November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

Today is Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

Image from eatocracy.cnn.com

Image from eatocracy.cnn.com

“The origins of National Clean out Your Refrigerator Day are not entirely clear; one Web site pins it on a Whirlpool Appliance Ad campaign from years ago, while other sites say it’s to make space for Thanksgiving provisions.  more here…

To help you out – –  here are Mike’s top five tips for cleaning out the fridge…
#5. Throw out that salad dressing bottle that’s upside down in the door rack – if you haven’t used that last little bit yet, you’re not going to.
#4. The Tupperware that’s in the far back corner that no one knows what’s in it – throw the whole thing out, Tupperware and all – before it climbs out of there on it’s own and eats the dog one night.
#3. Do it before you eat so nothing comes up when you gag.
#2. When checking best before dates…. remember to check the year too.
#1. Get the job done quickly and don’t get wrapped up in that game where you open the door really quickly to see if you can catch the light still off.. kept ME goin’ for hours!

Ways to tell it’s now #November

Halloween is behind us now, the clocks have gone back one hour and we now begin our long dark journey through winter. Top five other ways to tell it’s November.
#5. You find yourself wondering why everyone is mispronouncing it Mo-vember…
#4. Candy wrappers and pumpkin guts everywhere this morning.
#3. The calendar won’t stay stuck to the fridge anymore (unless you have a really powerful magnet).
#2. Huge volcanic zits magically appearing – after eating your weight in peanut butter cups and mini Oh’ Henry’s.
#1. Six mini Bandaids later, you’re wondering why the heck they don’t have Velcro poppies.

Fewer kids this Halloween?

It seemed like not as many kids as usual were out trick or treating last night. Mike’s top five reasons why there might have been fewer kids at your door this year.

#5. You inadvertently answered the door while cleaning your chainsaw and your goalie mask.

#4. You were answering the door in your bath robe – holding a smoke in one hand – a tall gin and tonic in the other hand – telling all the kids that you were out of candy but “here’s a handful of Aspirin”.

#3. I guess that rabid snow monkey tied to the post, throwing fecal matter at people in the front yard was more effective than you thought it would be.

#2. The crazy cat lady from the morning show, wouldn’t give you any candy til she correctly guessed your age – – and it takes forrrrrrrevvvvvver!

#1. Ya, I guess shutting off all the lights and hiding in the basement worked again! All the more for me!

Top five safe yet tricky Halloween “tricks”

It’s almost time for “trick or treating” and if you’re thinking about “tricking” Friday night here are Mike’s top five safe yet tricky Halloween “tricks”.

Trick foods from Foodnetwork.com

Trick foods from Foodnetwork.com

#5. Knock on the door then hide to the side of the door and pretend no one is there.

#4. Hide colorful eggs all over someone’s yard.

#3. Evoke ancient chants and solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.  Wait. Maybe not.

#2. Walk through the Haunted House going “not scary, not scary, not scary…”

#1. Dress as Dumbledore but tell everyone you’re Gandalf.

Check out how to make those chopped-up fingers and other trick foods at Foodnetwork.com

Find other Halloween top five lists here...

Top ten signs you might be too Canadian

- You’re tired of seeing this guy on television, but you still feel mildly proud when he shows up on U.S. tv channels.

image

- You know the French words for “trans fat”, “crunch” and “cereal”.

captaincrunch

- You have twin boys named Wayne and Gordie.

From NHL.COM

From NHL.COM

- You substitute beer for water when cooking.

cupcakesandcutlery.com

cupcakesandcutlery.com

– You’ve purposefully said ‘Eh’ at the end of a sentence, pretending to pretend that you’re a Canadian.

rcinet.ca

rcinet.ca

- You can’t walk past a pile of flat rocks without making an inukshuk!

innnnukshuk

– You’re not sure if you like him, but you would buy him a beer.

harperpic

– Not sure who this is, but thanks to her, we get a long weekend in May!

Queen-Victoria

Thank you for the day off Victoria!

- You dismiss all beers under 6% as “for children and the elderly.

Canadian

Happy Canada Day!

From StandingOnGuard.com, here are the 92 signs you might be too Canadian

I’ve taken a few liberties, shorten the list and added a few of my own… ;)

Top five questionable things heard from dad

Wasn’t me…

Dads have had their share of wise words and sage advice over the years, but here  are the top five questionable things heard from dad.

#5. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” Fact is, yes it does dad. For the last 200 years almost every large denomination bill in almost every currency on Earth has been printed on paper made from trees.

#4. “A borrower nor a lender be.” Fact is who’s making huge profits these days? Banks (borrowers and lenders)!

#3. “Go ask your mom.” Fact is, we did already, that’s why we’re asking you. Mom said no.

#2. “Close the door behind you, we’re not heating the whole outside.” Fact is, we are. The mere presence of humans on earth has increased the Earth’s mean temperature by almost 10 degrees in the last 200 years.

#1. “It wasn’t me, it was the dog.” Fact is, it wasn’t the dog.

Why your son or daughter wasn’t asked to be valedictorian

Maybe you’re not sure why your son or daughter wasn’t asked to be valedictorian of their grad class this year.

Here are the top five reasons why the grad at your house wasn’t asked to be valedictorian.

#5. He keeps insisting he’s waiting til he’s married “for that”.

#4. Can’t understand it either? Everyone in his “My Manga / Anime girlfriend” chat group thinks he should be…

#3. Would love to be valedictorian, because he really loves animals.

#2. On his college application form, keeps asking how to spell “CNC”.

#1. Keeps insisting he was asked to be valedictorian, but couldn’t, because he had grad that weekend.

Top five things my mother taught me

My Mother taught me well

Just in time for Mother’s Day… I’m not sure where this came from, but it sure is right-on.

The top five things my mother taught me…

#5. My mother taught me logic. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

#4. My mother taught me irony. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

#3. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

#2. My mother taught me about contortion-ism. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

#1. My mother taught me religion. “You better pray that stain comes out of the carpet.”

How to celebrate Cinco de Mayo

Southern Methodist University, Central University Libraries, DeGolyer Library

Southern Methodist University, Central University Libraries, DeGolyer Library

According to wikiHow…

On May 5, 1862, the Mexican Army, against all odds, defeated French forces in the Battle of Puebla. On Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for the 5th of May), many Mexicans around the world celebrate their Mexican ancestry and people of all backgrounds can take the time to appreciate Mexican culture.

Usually Cinco de Mayo is celebrated with parades, special dinners and Mexican themed parties (Hummus Brothers are doing a special Cinco de Mayo day here).

If you’re looking for an alternative way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, I have some other suggestions…

#5. Quickly fly to Mexico and immerse yourself in the culture. Or walk around the back yard in sandals and tacky tourist ware asking where the cabana is.

#4. Tell that joke about the sheep’s favourite Christmas song: Fleece Navidad.

#3. Have mayo on everything (BOOOO!).

#2. Gather ’round the TV and watch game two. No wait, that would be Cinco de Ducks-o.

#1. Hot fries, hot gravy, guacamole, salsa and cheese curd all baked in a taco shell crust (hangin’ from the ceiling…) and you have a Poutine Piñata!

Ways to celebrate Earth Day

poster_8-5x11If you are looking for new and “different” ways to celebrate Earth Day, here are some suggestions…

#5. Make clever gifts for each other using only materials that are found on Earth like, gold, silver, chocolate, rubber, wood, plastic, mercury, bacon, ducks, etc…

#4. Throw a big party for Earth but don’t invite Megatron, Loki or any Romulans. Do invite Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi.

#3. Calculate your Carbon Footprint and then make it you Facebook status for the day! (Example: Mine is 19.9 metric tons)

#2. Watch the movie 2012, but shut it off right before the global cataclysm.

#2a. Show compassion for faux-planets like Pluto, but never let them forget you got your own day!

#1. Use less energy by avoiding unnecessary switching of radio channels.

Happy Earth Day. I hope we win Planet of The Year again this year!

More on Earth Day here…