Signs you were at Pemberton last weekend

pemberton-fest

Over 115,000 music fans enjoying 120 performances – that was Permberton 2015. Check out the highlights from 2015 here!

lol… had to laugh when I saw this from 2008…

Despite traffic problems, shuttle trouble and way too much dust, thirty thousand people took in the Pemberton festival over the weekend! Mike’s top five signs you were at Pemberton this weekend.

#5. You went thru $100 worth of gas, driving from Pemberton to Whistler. Unless you were driving the new 2009 TDI Clean Diesel Jetta.(Note: Shameless plug for Hub City Motors.)

#4. You’re pretty sure Jay Z was looking right at you when he did “99 problems..”.

#3. 35 km per hour seems really fast.

#2. After four showers and a pressure wash this morning – there’s still sand in your ears (and a few other places).

#1. Waiting 45 minutes to get in the bathroom this morning, seems like nothing.

*Official press release for 2015 here.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

3 Billion Mile (9 year) Road Trip in Space

The New Horizons spacecraft just flew past Pluto, after traveling 3 billion miles (9 years).

Top five things about being on a super long, nine year road trip in space…

#5. You’re super tired of constantly converting local time to Earth time.

#4. You find a good radio station and then 100,000 miles later – it’s gone.

#3. You get stuck behind one of those NASA transport spacecraft that rides along in the left lane for years and years!

#2. You pass Megatron, Loki a bunch of Romulans going the other way (but you don’t want to get involved, so you don’t call anyone).

#1. You’re totally shocked and saddened to find out The Pussycat Dolls broke-up! (5 years ago!)

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

It was soooo hot yesterday.

hotenough

How hot was it?

  • I saw two fire hydrants fighting over one dog.
  • The internal temperature of the work fridge was 1.7 degrees! (normally 1.6) Follow Workfridge on Twitter
  • I got a brain freeze from my espresso!
  • Cows were giving evaporated milk!
  • The Ice Cream Stand had to changed it’s name… Ice Cream Sit.
  • I saw a hipster wearing a sweater.
  • My Shih tzu asked to borrow my razor.
  • The city changed all bike lanes to bake lanes.
FacebookTwitterGoogle+

Mike’s top five tips for floaters

wildwoodlandinn.wordpress.com
wildwoodlandinn.wordpress.com

If you’re contemplating a float down the Nechako this weekend, here are Mike’s top five tips for floaters…

#5. Though not necessary, it’s nice to have your Pleasure Craft Operator card mounted somewhere in the wheel house.

#4. Be sure to get off BEFORE Quesnel.

#3. If you encounter a 19 foot sturgeon, look over at the others and say “we’re gonna need a bigger boat”.

#2. Keep in mind, if you hit an iceberg and find yourself looking into the eyes of Kate Winslet. She will let go (I saw the movie).

#1. Remember when buying a floatation device you should be looking for something that is more “water proof” than “water resistant”.

#1a. Remember to bring a stash of O’Henry bars with you. Nothing says floater like an unwrapped O’Henry!

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

Top five questionable things heard from dad

Wasn’t me…

Dads have had their share of wise words and sage advice over the years, but here  are the top five questionable things heard from dad.

#5. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” Fact is, yes it does dad. For the last 200 years almost every large denomination bill in almost every currency on Earth has been printed on paper made from trees.

#4. “A borrower nor a lender be.” Fact is who’s making huge profits these days? Banks (borrowers and lenders)!

#3. “Go ask your mom.” Fact is, we did already, that’s why we’re asking you. Mom said no.

#2. “Close the door behind you, we’re not heating the whole outside.” Fact is, we are. The mere presence of humans on earth has increased the Earth’s mean temperature by almost 10 degrees in the last 200 years.

#1. “It wasn’t me, it was the dog.” Fact is, it wasn’t the dog.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

Mike’s top five Father’s Day gift ideas

number-one-dad

Mike’s top five odd Father’s Day gifts.
#5. A tie cake. Everyone knows, ties are more a pie item.;)
#4. Number one Dad cheese log. Because, really if it’s a cheese log there won’t be a number two.
#3. Tiger Woods’ semi-autobiographical “How to swing like a Pro”.
#2. Lindsay Lohans’ “Top ten reasons why I respect and admire my father”.
#1. Three words: Home Taxidermy kit.

—————————-

Least popular Father’s Day gifts
“Oh look, a potpourri filled basket of cherry-banana-rasberry lotions and creams!”. Mike’s top five other least popular Father’s Day gift ideas.
#5. The Pat Bell home barber kit (second only to the Ron Polillo “hair removal system”).
#4. An overly mushy card. Keep it to something like this: “If we ever need to know the score, you’re always there”.
#3. Anything that “goes with the lamps”.
#2. Any book that has a title that contains the words “for Dummies” or “quick and easy”.
#1. A handsome wall plaque listing all of Bill Gates accomplishments next to a list of all of Dad’s accomplishments (better idea might be, a handsome wall plaque listing all of Lindsay Lohan’s Dad’s accomplishments next to your dad’s..).

————————-

Top five things you’ll never hear dad say
Our contest “Play Dad” is all about things that dad would say. Mike’s top five things you’ll NEVER hear dad say.
#5. Why would you want to go get a job? I have tons of money and don’t mind forkin’ it out so you can lolly gag at the University of Dad’s Paying.
#4. You know pumpkin, I think you’re ready for unchaperoned car dates.
#3. Your mom and I are going away for the weekend, why don’t you have a few friends over for a party while we’re gone.
#2. Here’s my credit card, go crazy! See you at the food court whenever you feel you’ve shopped enough.
#1. Well how about that, I guess I’m lost. I better stop and ask someone for directions.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

You bought the wrong tax software

Taxes
Tax season? Oh, it’s a “season” is it?

A friend of mine was telling me that he was having a lot of trouble with his new tax software. He’s thinking now — he did buy the cheapest software he could find and he’s pretty sure the company that made the software isn’t very reputable and maybe he should return it to the gas station where he bought it… The top five other ways to tell that you bought the wrong tax software…

#5. Before you can enter your tax information, you must navigate an intricate maze through a crocodile infested swamp with Scooby-Doo!

#4. If at any point it asks you to type in your exact weight and height.

#3. If pop-up adds for “the good tax software” keep popping up.

#2. If you have to email all of your tax information and a credit card number and it’s the same email address that you use to buy your email Viagra.

#1. If someone has written in “Dorothy The Accountant” on the box in crayon.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

Ways to celebrate Earth Day

poster_8-5x11If you are looking for new and “different” ways to celebrate Earth Day, here are some suggestions…

#5. Make clever gifts for each other using only materials that are found on Earth like, gold, silver, chocolate, rubber, wood, plastic, mercury, bacon, ducks, etc…

#4. Throw a big party for Earth but don’t invite Megatron, Loki or any Romulans. Do invite Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi.

#3. Calculate your Carbon Footprint and then make it you Facebook status for the day! (Example: Mine is 19.9 metric tons)

#2. Watch the movie 2012, but shut it off right before the global cataclysm.

#2a. Show compassion for faux-planets like Pluto, but never let them forget you got your own day!

#1. Use less energy by avoiding unnecessary switching of radio channels.

Happy Earth Day. I hope we win Planet of The Year again this year!

More on Earth Day here…

 

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

St. Patrick's Day Jokes!

St. Patrick’s death occurred on either March 8th or 9th in 461 A.D. Church officials weren’t sure so they added them together and made it the 17th. Good thing it wasn’t March 28th or 29th…


Mike’s top five Worst St. Patrick’s Day jokes.

Lucky Charms
Lucky Charms – photo taken by Evan-Amos

#5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s day!

#4. Why did the leprechaun buy TWO lottery tickets? Dublin his odds!

#3. Why would you never iron a four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.

#2. Why are leprechauns always asking for money? Because they’re always a little short before payday.

#1. Where does a leprechaun buy his suits? From a four leaf clothier.


Top five ways to get in trouble on St Patrick’s Day.

#5. Eat haggis, drink scotch and insist Scotland and Ireland are the same thing.

#4. Wear a button that says “Kiss me, I’m Iris”.

#3. Insist you are wearing something green and it’s right here on your finger.

#2. Go door to door – demanding candy.

#1. Re-introduce snakes to the island.


Ways to tell your neighbor might be a Leprechaun

#5. Always tries to cover up his Irish accent by saying things like “G’day Mate..”.

#4. Rainbow always seems to end in his backyard.

#3. Spends his summers planting clover along foothills blvd…

#2. Always wears green and he isn’t even from Saskatchewan.

#1. Always thinks everyone is after his Lucky Charms!

FacebookTwitterGoogle+

17 Billion Earths – Top 5 signs there's life on one

Planets
Planets around stars in the Milky Way. (M. Kornmesser /ESA/NASA)

Out of roughly 100 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy, a new analysis of Kepler data shows that around 17 percent of them have Earth-sized planets orbiting them, meaning there could be as many as 17 billion Earth-sized worlds. Kepler’s mission is to find and document Earth-sized planets at greater distances. The more planets discovered with Earth-like orbits in the habitable zone, the greater the chances of extraterrestrial life.

Being a similar size to Earth isn’t the only qualification for a life-sustaining planet, there are other criteria…

#5. Does it contain the essentials elements for building and sustaining life (carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and phosphorus – arguably iron as well.)?

#4. Is it nice and warm during parts of the year and a little chillier during other parts of the year?

#3. Are there little people all making noises, yelling, waving and holding big signs saying “this speck contains life”? (ala Horton Hears a Who) #2. Is it pristine and beautiful and does it contain enough inner wealth so we might lay it to waste in an orgy of self indulgence?

#1. Do they have at least one Tim Hortons?!

FacebookTwitterGoogle+