Tag Archive for Canadian

Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls! « laurenoutloud.com

April 16, 2012 Benny blog No comments

Yup. Nailed it. From Lauren O’Nizzle…

Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls!

Hey. So guess what?

The Royal Canadian Mint (read: the government agency responsible for creating all of Canada’s highly touted funny money) issued coins with freaking GLOW IN THE DARK DINOSAURS ON THEM this week.

This confirms my suspicion that our country is being run by 11-year-old boys on acid.

Have you ever wondered why Canada doesn’t have orphans wandering through the streets offering to shine your shoes and stuff? IT’S BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN CAPTURED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND ARE BEING FORCED TO DESIGN YOUR MONEY.

via Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls! « laurenoutloud.com.

Bad spellers untie!

February 26, 2012 Benny blog No comments
Fail Enlgish?

Me fail English? Unpossible.

Please use this as your profile picture if you failed English more than twice.

Wondering what to do next? You’re not alone.

February 11, 2012 Benny blog No comments
Wondering

Wondering what to do next

I read somewhere that Canadians are spending more time on-line than watching TV.

They say 18 hours a week on the Internet and just 17 hours a week watching TV.

So, there are 168 hours in a week, we sleep 56, work 40, tv and net 35.

That leaves 37 hours a week of nothing?

That does explain why I spend 5.286 hours a day staring off into space wondering what to do next. -Mike

 

Differences between the American Bachelor and the Canadian #Bachelor

January 30, 2012 Top Five No comments
Chris Harrison

Chris Harrison host of the US version

The Bachelor Canada will air this fall! It will be a Canadian version of the hit show and will be shot this spring. Right now they are seeking potential Bachelorettes at CityTV.com/BachelorCanada. Mike’s top five differences between the American Bachelor and the Canadian Bachelor.
#5. We feel the need to spell it with a “u”. B-a-c-h-e-l-o-u-r.
#4. Instead of the host downing Margaritas in between segments, everyone passes around a giant beer.
#3. I don’t think the American version of the show has a Zamboni segment, does it?
#2. Roses cost a lot more up here, so instead, there will be a dandelion ceremony.
#1. Bachelors are selected from a pool of rejected contestants from Canada’s Worst Driver, Canada’s Worst Handyman and Man Tracker. Sorry ladies!

Why no Canadian version of Dancing with the Stars

September 25, 2011 Top Five No comments

Last night CTV had Dancing with the Stars and I was wondering why they don’t do a Canadian version of that show. Mike’s top five reasons there’s no Canadian version of Dancing with the Stars.

#5. Two hours of dancing on TV? Really? No bodychecks? No fights? No yelling? No 10 minute misconducts? No thanks!

#4. No one wants to see Peter Mansbridge twirling.

#3. Only if one of the judges is allowed to yell “HARD! HURRY HARD!!”.

#2. All of the hardwood in Canada is being used right now – basketball season starts next week.

#1. Bad timing. Degrassi is shooting a new season, Celine is heading back to Vegas and Rita MacNeil is tied up with canning ’til at least late October.

 

We stand on guard for thee..

June 29, 2011 Top Five No comments

We will celebrate Canada’s 144th birthday at Fort George Park on Friday. Mike’s top five preparations you should be making for Canada Day.
#5. Apologize for cutting in front of someone, even though you didn’t. Then, they apologize for cutting in front of YOU.
#4. If you don’t have a Canadian flag – wash your Toronto Maple Leaf jersey with something red.
#3. Practice getting up from the grass after eating your souvlaki, so you don’t have to do that big roll-over on your side, squishing they kid’s ice cream bar while you try to stand up.
#2. Practice holding it. Remember public restrooms lose their ‘sanitized for you protection’ status after being open for 2 or 3 minutes.
#1. Google the words to Oh Canada – so at least you can mouth the words if you have to.

Why is Canada in 2nd place on the World Happiness Scale?

May 25, 2011 Top Five No comments

Canadians are the second happiest group in the world according to a new study released by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD).

The index covers 11 areas: housing, incomes, employment, social relationships, education, the environment, the administration of institutions, health, general satisfaction, security and the balance between work and family.

The United States finished seventh, Turkey finished last. Australia ranked first in the overall happiness scale.

So, why is Canada in 2nd place on the World Happiness Scale? Why aren’t we number one?

#5. That whole no stat in February thing.

#4. Last year we were too apologetic for being in 1st place.

#3. Ben Mulroney (Brian too..).

#2. We are still recovering from a bad case of election-roids.

#1. Apparently “G’day mate” trumps “Eh”.

The election in 30 words

May 5, 2011 Benny blog No comments

IN 30 WORDS: Stephen Harper’s Conservatives have a majority government and Jack Layton’s NDP will be the official opposition. Michael Ignatieff’s Liberals placed 3rd and Ignatieff lost his seat. The Bloc are done.

THOUGHTS: When I saw Ignatieff’s speech last night it reminded me of the T-Rex in Meet The Robinsons – “I have a big head and little arms and I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”

QUOTE-2: Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!”

The 244 people that represent Canada

May 1, 2011 Benny blog No comments

The new group of MP’s we elected last week are quite a diverse lot..

-76 entrepreneurs or business people

-44 lawyers

-38 teachers

-29 politicians

-22 broadcasters

-20 farmers

-7 police officers

-4 military officers

-3 doctors

-1 astronaut

244 people to represent Canada and not one professional hockey player?!

I just saved Canada 1 Billion Dollars!

March 25, 2011 Benny blog No comments

I am not looking forward to paying for another federal election.

[Insert: slight exaggeration] In the last ten years we have had four federal elections that have cost taxpayers nearly one billion dollars.

[Insert: rhetorical question] Can you imagine the good that could be done with one billion dollars?

I’m not just whining. I have a solution.

How about each political party starts a fan page on Facebook and instead of voting we just go and “Like” that page. The political party with the most likes after two weeks, runs the country.

Afterward, the other parties, get to start a Twitter account and as soon as they get more than a million followers on Twitter, they get to be the official opposition.

Every two years all the parties have to close their Facebook and Twitter accounts and start over.

Potential savings to tax payers: ONE BILLION DOLLARS!

Sound good?

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