Tag Archive for money

Finally the penny is gone, thank goodness!

February 5, 2013 Top Five No comments
damnpenny

Jim Flaherty in a moment of sober reflection…

Finally the penny is gone!

Top five benefits of being without the penny.

#5. Finally no more $1.99′s and $1.79′s. Just good ole $1.95′s and $1.80′s.

#4. Grade 3′ers will now be in high demand by retailers and tax accountants because of their unique skills with the 5-times-tables.

#3. No more worries about what to do with giant jar of pennies in the back of the laundry cupboard. Two words: boat anchor.

#2. The government will save $11,360,000 in penny production costs and distribution this year alone. So the net benefit to each man, women and child in Canada will be 37 cents. I can’t wait til I get my “penny rebate” cheque in the mail.

#1. Wow! A 400% percent increase in the cost of thoughts!

Top five things that will change now that minimum wage has gone up

May 3, 2012 Top Five No comments

Pennies

Can I have more Sir?

Minimum wage went up May 1st! Here are Mike’s top five things that will change now that minimum wage has gone up.

#5. All those stereotypes about “starving students” will be changed to just “hungry students”.

#4. All those stereotypes about “unfair, greedy bosses”, changed to “gloating, unfair, greedy bosses”.

#3. More Facebook users will friend Christy Clarke now.

#2. We will be injecting so much money into the “buying groceries and paying rent” section of the economy, that we might destabilize the “frivolous and self gratifying” section of the economy.

#1. Radio Djs might actually start eating in sit down restaurants.

Top five signs your grad may be financially illiterate

April 30, 2012 Top Five No comments

A recent study finds that Canadian high school seniors are financially illiterate when they graduate.

A good way to tell if your graduating son or daughter is financially illiterate, is to ask them prices of things they consume everyday. Graduating students should know the price of bread, gas, rent, tuition their cell phone plan.

Tauntaun Action Set

Tauntaun Action Set

Mike’s top five signs your grad may be financially illiterate!

#4. He sees nothing wrong with me starting a top five list at number four.

#3. He called collect on Mother’s Day; from downstairs.

#2. Says he can’t be illiterate; he’s seen his baby pictures and he knows you and mom are his real parents.

#1. Frequently feels the need to quote The Count from Sesame Street when he’s at the ATM.

#1a. Actually thinks his Chrome Bust of Darth Vader (circa: 2001) is worth more than his Luke Skywalker Tauntaun Action Set (circa: 1991).

Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls! « laurenoutloud.com

April 16, 2012 Benny blog No comments

Yup. Nailed it. From Lauren O’Nizzle…

Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls!

Hey. So guess what?

The Royal Canadian Mint (read: the government agency responsible for creating all of Canada’s highly touted funny money) issued coins with freaking GLOW IN THE DARK DINOSAURS ON THEM this week.

This confirms my suspicion that our country is being run by 11-year-old boys on acid.

Have you ever wondered why Canada doesn’t have orphans wandering through the streets offering to shine your shoes and stuff? IT’S BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN CAPTURED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND ARE BEING FORCED TO DESIGN YOUR MONEY.

via Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls! « laurenoutloud.com.

The penny is on the way out

March 30, 2012 Benny blog, Top Five No comments
The penny

The Canadian Penny

The Feds have decided to get rid of the penny.

Included in yesterday’s federal budget: 67 instead of 65 for OAS. Deficit gone by 2015. 19,000 federal jobs and the penny – gone.

The feds say they can save a ton of money by not making the penny anymore (ironic?).

Top five ways to tell the penny is on the way out.

#5. Nickels are nervous now.

#4. All the 1.99 stuff being rounded up to six bucks!

#3. People start offering you a dime for your next ten thoughts.

#2. More accordion playing monkeys and mid-day radio DJ’s looking for second jobs.

#1. Saw a nickel, picked it up – nothing.

And now it looks like the Americans want to follow suit…

Canadian Penny Killed: U.S. Opponents Of 1-Cent Coin Point To Canada As ‘Trail-Blazer’.

How to spot a phony fifty dollar bill

March 28, 2012 Top Five No comments
Fiddy

The new Canadian Fiddy

The new plastic Canadian fifty dollar bills are out this week. Bad guys might take this opportunity to pass some phoney fifties around. Mike’s top five ways to spot a phony fifty dollar bill.

#5. You notice an unusual amount of chaffing around your dance thong.

#4. When you hold it up to a 40w bulb, it bursts into flames.

#3. After the guy gives it to you, he gets all frigidity and then runs outside screaming ‘you won’t take me alive coppers’!

#2. The word fifty is spelled f-i-d-d-y.

#1. The picture of the queen looks a little too much like Sir Robert Borden.

Money saving tips for buying a new or used car

March 20, 2012 Benny blog No comments

Here’s an article I posted on my Morning Show blog. Please comment below if you have anything to add.

Money saving tips for buying a new or used car…

Buying a new car is big deal. It’s probably the second largest purchase you’ll ever make. It will be well worth the effort to give the process some thoughtful consideration.

First, lets assume you’ve done your research and you’ve chosen the right vehicle (sounds like a no-brainer, it’s not). Here are five tips to help you save some money when buying a new or used car.

1. Cash or financing? Read more

Is your #RRSP stressing you out?

February 12, 2012 Benny blog No comments

A survey by the Royal Bank found that deciding what to do with your RRSP is as stressful as going to the dentist.

The Canadian Dental Association is really upset with this, saying their members have been working for 200 years at trying to scare the b’geepers outa people, and to have some upstart RRSP guy shoot to the front of the line just isn’t right!

Worst ways to make some quick money

July 6, 2011 Top Five No comments

Your City property taxes are due Friday. So unless you have that sweet deal were your bank takes out a little every month, right now you’re probably scrounging to come up with a few thousand dollars by the end of the week. Mike’s top five worst ways to make some quick money.
#5a. Quickly find a rich old guy. Doesn’t always work out.
#5. Sell a few of your 80′s sweaters on Craig’s List. Tried it. Didn’t work.
#4. Click one of those ads that promise you can make $1,200 a day just using your home computer for a few hours a day in your spare time. Tried it.
#3. Setup a 1-900 line, so people can pay to hear your Shih Tzu bark their favourite Lady Gaga song. Didn’t work. Next time I’ll try Katy Perry songs.
#2. Try emailing and Facebooking everyone you know and asking them each for just a few bucks. Didn’t work. Even my mom unfriended me!
#1. Hasn’t worked yet, but I’m sure it will.. Buy tons of lottery tickets – increasing my odds dramatically. Really, ’75 in 15 million’ is much better than ’1 in 15 million’.

Bad financial advice

May 5, 2011 Top Five No comments

All this week on More Money, it’s Free Advice Week. We have tons of Free Financial advice that we are giving away free of charge. But, before we get started here are Mike’s top five signs the advice you’re getting might be bad financial advice.

#5. It involves saving $1.10 a day by getting ‘the combo’.

#4. It involves “clicking here”.

#3. Become a radio DJ to make it big and live the easy life.

#2. It involves getting two mediums instead of one large during Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim campaign.

#1. If it involves you getting financial advice from a top five list on the radio.

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