Tag Archive for Santa

Overheard in #Santa’s busy workshop

December 11, 2012 Top Five No comments

Two weeks until Christmas Eve. Can you image how busy it must be up at the North Pole?

Mike’s top five things overheard in Santa’s busy workshop two weeks before Christmas.

#5. C’mon, I gotta build three million Wii U’s and iPad minis by December 24th with nothing more than elves and Victorian woodworking tools?!

#4. What?! Furbys?! They’re back?

#3. [Elf whisper] We’re being ripped off! Six bucks an hour and no overtime for working stats.. shh, he’s coming.

#2. [Santa] Hey, whose tiny little fingers are those over by the table saw?

#1. Put in a special order for coal. Turns out we’re going to need more than usual for City Council!

Signs it’s not the real #Santa

December 10, 2012 Top Five No comments
Vancouver Canucks v Chicago Blackhawks - Game Two

Santa? No.

So, I saw Santa yesterday, but I don’t think it was the real Santa. Why? Well….

#5. I’m pretty sure I saw an Easter Bunny tail sticking out of his back pocket.

#4. When no one was looking her whispered “help, get me out of here. The Elves are holding me hostage…”

#3. His reindeer looked more like two Alpaca and a goat from Noah’s Ark.

#2. He was kind of a weaselly lookin guy with a pointy chin… in a suit, across the room from Don Fehr.

#1. Instead of elves, his two helpers were Gollum and Smeagol. “prezzzz zents…”

Mike’s top five worst Santa jokes of all time

December 19, 2011 Top Five No comments

Mike’s top five worst Santa jokes of all time..
#5. Did you hear about the invisible Santa? You can’t see him, but you can feel his presents.
#4. What do you call Santa Claus when he’s almost late? The Saint Nick-of-time.
#3. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
#2. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
#1. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!

December 19, 2011 Benny blog No comments

Dear Mike Benny,
Father says if you hear it on The River it must be so. Father also says there is no one more cynical than Mike Benny. That’s why I’m asking you this question. Dear Mike Benny, is there a Santa Claus? The kids at school all say there isn’t. They laugh and poke fun when I say there is. Would you please settle this once and for all and answer my question? Yours truly, Virginia

Dear Virginia,
Those kids at school are wrong. They’re jaded and much like myself becoming more and more cynical. But, sometimes cynicism can work for you. Of course there is a Santa Claus. Here are three reasons why I know this.
1. Virginia, there is a trillion dollar retail industry built around the belief in his existence. Ask your friends if all those people are wrong. Is some trickster pulling the wool over the eyes of Walmart, Sears, The Bay or Canadian Tire?
2. What about all those politicians who wish us a generic Happy ‘Seasonal’ salutation. If there wasn’t a Santa Claus why would they so vehemently avoid his existence.
3. But most of all Virginia, no letter to Santa sent through the mail has ever been “returned to sender”. So I ask you, what’s more likely, there is a Santa Claus, or the world’s post offices are all collaborating in a colossal global conspiracy?
And who keeps taking a bite from that cookie?
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!

Worst Santa Jokes of all time

December 1, 2010 Top Five No comments

Mike’s top five worst Santa jokes of all time..

#5. Did you hear about the invisible Santa? You can’t see him, but you can feel his presents.

#4. What do you call Santa Claus when he’s almost late? The Saint Nick-of-time.

#3. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.

#2. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

#1. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

via Worst Santa Jokes of all time.