Back to school next week! You might need these…
Why was the music teacher locked out of her classroom? Because here keys were on the piano.
What flies around the kindergarten room at night? The alpha-BAT. (Played by Ben Affleck?)
It was so hot at the university (how hot was it?). It must have been a million degrees!
What did the math book say to the other book? “Hey, I’ve got problems.”
What did the electrician use to do his math? MultiPLIERS.
More here… (http://www.squiglysplayhouse.com/JokesAndRiddles/school.html)
Why did the cyclops make such a good teacher? Only one pupil.
What do you call the king of school supplies? The ruler.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says “spit out your gum”, the train says “chew, chew…”
School starts Wendy bell rings…
More here… (http://boyslife.org/features/32016/back-to-school-jokes/)
There is way too much paperwork coming home form school these days. Permission forms, contact forms, hot lunch slips, “Tell us about your child” forms, “Can you be the driver?” forms… etc. Mike’s top five signs there’s too much paperwork for parents.
#5. Your criminal records check got mixed up with your hot lunch request form and a policeman just showed up at your door with a dog, a pop and a bag of chips.
#4. The kids are telling YOU, you can’t watch TV till all your paperwork is done.
#3. You’ve totally memorized everyone’s birth certificate and care card numbers. However you couldn’t remember the phone number to the radio station when you heard that Madonna Mega Weekend song yesterday morning.
#2. On the “tell us about your child” form you put, “2006 Dodge Caravan, capable of taking as many as six children, two boosters”.
#1. You just realized you can’t spell, you can’t make an “S” anymore in hand writing and there is no way you’re ever putting anything on the line for Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.
It’s Teacher Appreciation Week. We should all show appreciation to the teachers that have made us who we are today. Here are the teachers that have made me who I am today.
#5. Mr. Drieger; who taught me there are two principal’s lists, a good one and the other one.
#4. Mr. Engin; who taught me, you CAN fail racquetball.
#3. Mr. Knob; who taught me restraint and not to always use the easy punchlines.
#2. Mr. Kotter; who taught me never to sign notes from home, ‘Mike’s mom’.
#1. Mrs. Dubner; My favorite teacher quote: “Mr. Benny, if you think, when you get out in the real world, you’ll be able to find a job where you just sit around and tell jokes all day, you are sadly mistaken!”
It’s been 18 yrs since BC Teachers have had a negotiated contract (under Mike Harcourt). They have only had one negotiated deal in the last 30yrs. Now, it sounds like this round will likely end in back to work legislation. Mike’s top five ways to peacefully end the current labour dispute.
#5. Wait another 18 to 30 years for the next negotiated deal.
#4. Re-elect Harcourt!? I don’t really like this one, but I need five on my list (it’s called Mike’s top five…) I would gladly welcome any other suggestions here. The top five list doesn’t air til tomorrow morning at 7:10am.
#3. How about Bill 23, ordering the government back to work?
#2. Quick end to the dispute: The education minister and the president of the BCTF both get a cell phone and the first one to text Ashley the correct age of anyone from our Famous Birthday list gets to have their way.
#1. It’s weird, crazy and strange, but — good faith bargaining based on mutual respect?
Uncle Homer’s daycare center – from The Simpsons wiki
A lot of people are talking about daycare lately and it got me thinking about some creative names for daycare centres. I’ve seen…
- Ankle Bitters Home Daycare
- Pooh’s Corner
- Twiddle Bugs Learning Center
- Uncle Homer’s Daycare (from The Simpsons)
- Little Stinkers Day Care
Here are some of my ideas. If you’re looking for a creative name for your daycare – Mike’s top five creative daycare names.
#5. The Jolie Pitt’s. Lots of kids around. You could probably even leave them there for a few days and they’d never notice.
#4. Rash, Stash & Dash. You could add Mash for an extra 1.50/day.
#3. Education Minister George Abbott’s house. Granted it’s a long name but I like the acronym EMGAH (eem gaw)!
#2. Mini Me’s House of Wii. You know… little guys all sittin around playing Wii bowling. No? Okay.
Here we are at the start of the second week. Mike’s top five ways you can tell it’s the second week of school.
#5. Someone named, “School Dist 57” is showing up on your caller ID, but no one in the house can remember them calling.
#4. There’s more writing on the outside of your kids binder than the inside.
#3. Inside shoes are already outside shoes.
#2. $30 for additional Art supplies, $75 for field hockey and volleyball fees, a 15 dollar cultural fee, please sell these four cases of chocolate nuts by next Thursday! I’m sorry – how much is that clarinet?! It’s a good thing we have free public education in Canada.
#1. Neatly packed, nutritional lunch in an enviro bag, replaced by a five dollar bill and Mars bar.
The kids are back to school now, which means school buses are back on the road. Here are the top five pet peeves about school busing.
#5. Having exact change and nobody wants it!
#4. Trying to get a good seat on science fair day.
#3. Anytime anyone asks a question about anything, Miss Frizzle turns it into another field trip.
#2. A bumpy ride to school after eating a bowl of cheerios and milk.
#1. Not nearly as much gum under the seat in September as there is in June.
Sometimes it’s tough to get up for the first day of school after you’ve been sleeping in for 2 months! Mike’s top five tips for getting up for school today.
#5. One good wiff of your gym strip that’s been sitting in your back pack all summer should help to get you going (if it doesn’t knock you out).
#4. Arrange for your mom to have fed the dog a tin of beans the night before and send him into your room at 7am!
#3. Think of it as a chance to hear about all the great things everybody else did over the summer.
#2. Try an extra large “triple, triple” with double espresso chaser.
#1. Remember, you are the principal! You have to go to school!!
Tuesday is the first day of school! From a parent’s perspective, Mike’s top five best things about the first day of school.
#5. Finally back to lying around in your hammock, eating bonbons watching Ellen and Dr. Oz all day (isn’t that what you do when they go to school?)!
#4. Hearing yourself think for the first time since late June.
#3. If you tidy-up somewhere, it will stay tidy (for at least 90 minutes today).
#2. Reminding the kids all the things they did this summer, so they don’t answer the question, “what did you do this summer?” with “nothing”.
#1. Looking forward to a quiet house next week, so you don’t miss Mike & Ashley calling your name on the payroll game.
From a student’s perspective, Mike’s top five best things about the first day of school.
#5. It’s not so much “the first day” as “the first 90 minutes of school”.
#4. You’re not behind in homework yet!
#3. The Lulu Lemon logo you sewed to your Superstore free headband still looks great.
#2. Nobody knows who you are yet. It’s a street-cred do-over.
#1. It’s the one day of the year, your locker is clean.
Schools open today for admin staff. Classes start next week. Mike’s top five signs school starts next week.
#5. It’s been getting warmer and starting to feel like summer finally.
#4. Two pairs of jean and one pair of court shoes and you’re broke.
#3. Next week you may actually be able to find a seat at the food court.
#2. “Rate your teacher dot com” is getting about a million hits an hour.
#1. Tons of people erasing the big red star from September 7th on the calender and putting a big red star on September 6th.