Mike’s top five St. Patrick’s Day jokes.

Lucky Charms – photo taken by Evan-Amos

#5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s day!

#4. Why did the leprechaun buy TWO lottery tickets? Dublin his odds!

#3. Why would you never iron a four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.

#2. Why are leprechauns always asking for money? Because they’re always a little short before payday.

#1. Where does a leprechaun buy his suits? From a four leaf clothier.

Top five ways to get in trouble on St Patrick’s Day.

#5. Eat haggis, drink scotch and insist Scotland and Ireland are the same thing.

#4. Wear a button that says “Kiss me, I’m Iris”.

#3. Insist you are wearing something green and it’s right here on your finger.

#2. Go door to door – demanding candy.

#1. Re-introduce snakes to the island.

Ways to tell your neighbor might be a Leprechaun

#5. Always bringing his big green finger to the Cougar games.

#4. Rainbow always seems to end in his backyard.

#3. Thinks everyone is always after his Lucky Charms!

#2. Plays in the same rec basketball league as Ron Polillo.

#1. ** Leave a suggested #1 in the comment box below **

Mike’s top five St. Patrick’s Day jokes.

Lucky Charms - photo taken by Evan-Amos

#5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s day!

#4. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? He gets wet.

#3. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.

#2. Why are leprechauns always asking for money? Because they’re always a little short.

#1. Where does a leprechaun buy his suits? From a four leaf clothier.

Top five ways to get in trouble on St Patrick’s Day.

#5. Eat haggis, drink scotch and insist Scotland and Ireland are the same thing.

#4. Wear a button that says “Kiss me, I’m Iris”.

#3. Insist you are wearing something green and it’s right here on your finger.

#2. Go door to door – demanding candy.

#1. Re-introduce snakes to the island.

St. Patrick’s Day is one week today and here are the top five preparations you should be making for the big green event.

#5. Start setting up your “call in sick” for the 18th (Cough, cough, oh no I may be coming down with something. By next Tuesday you should be “man, I’ve been fighting this for a week now”).

#4. Listen to U2 and Van Morrison records, or if you’re a real glutton for punishment, Green Day.

#3. Forge a birth certificate for use at Kelly O’Brien’s.

#3a. Remove the giant construction paper Valentine’s heart from the fridge and replace it with the giant construction paper shamrock.

#2. Haul out the Patty O’ Furniture.

#1. Start cooking now so dinner is good and green by the 17th.