Mike's top five

So, I went to see Santa yesterday, but I'm not sure if it was the real Santa or a fake Santa. Mike's top five signs it's not the real Santa.
#5. His beard smelled like the Dollar Store.
#4. He kept saying to the kids, “Hey, maybe your mom should come and sit here too.”
#3. Instead of elves, his two helpers were Gollum and Smeagol.
#2. Overheard him talking about how he was at the Easter Bunny's house last night for a kegger.
#1. Well, I don't want to say what number-one is, but I can say I think I know what Colin Kinsley is up to now!!

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