Mike's top five

This is No Smoking Week (Weedless Wednesday). Mike's top five suggestions to help you quit.
#5. Call bylaw services and turn your self in for violating the open burning ban.
#4. Think of all the coffee you could buy with the money you're not spending on smokes.
#3. Imagine your cigarette as Rosanne Barr's fungal toe.
#2. Imagine not standing outside for five minutes every hour, huddled in a doorway while people walk by in disgust.
#1. Just pretend it's really expensive and pointless.