Mike's top five

Are you too old to go “trick or treating” this Halloween? To help you decide, these are the top five signs maybe you are too old to be trick or treating.
#5. Your one-toothed, crocked nosed, hideous monster mask isn't a mask (anymore).
#4. You have to get the neighborhood kids to chew your candy for you. At least until it gets nice and soft.
#3. At every door, you stop and explain that your treats can't contain aspartame, because it makes you gassy and can cause loose stool.
#2. Someone drops a can of pop in your treat bag and you lose your balance and fall over.
#1. You like to avoid going to houses where your ex wives live.

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