The slow cooker is something I have used for a long time, I just love the idea of slow cooked food for some reason. However, while I was reading up on slow cookery, I found a few operational instructions that sound quite amusing. Mike’s top five things that sound funny when you’re talking about slow cookers.
#5. Discontinue use if cord is severed.
#4. Do not poke chicken.
#3. Immersing in cold water may damage the crock.
#2. Probe to be used to determine meat temperature only.
#1. Precautions should be taken as the porcelain bowl may become slippery.
So, aside from getting tons of calls on your cell offering to sell you cheap mortgages, cheap watches and body enhancement creams. Mike’s top five ways to tell a nameless developer has sold your Facebook data.
#5. You seem to be getting a lot of junk mail lately.
#4. Some guy named Eduardo is suing you for 1% of everything.
#3. Your Facebook Farmville is more like Orwell’s Animal Farm this morning.
#2. When you log into your Facebook account, you are automatically directed to a neighborhood addiction center.
#1. The guys who work at Facebook network security headquarters now refer to your account as “that poor bugger”.
My sister in law is now officially done decorating the house for Christmas. The tree is up (two of them), the wreath is on the door and tinsel is everywhere. Mike’s top five signs you are way too early and too into Christmas.
#5. At Costco they call you “The Christmas Lady” or “Griswold”.
#4. In your outdoor nativity scene, the three wise men are standing around looking at their watches.
#3. You are on your third advent calendar.
#2. During the closing credits of the Saw movie you couldn’t help but sing “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas..”
#1. Thank you cards, done! Valentine’s Day cards, ready to go! You are now working on Easter.
It was minus 28 this morning when I got up and I was thinking, man it’s pretty darn cold out there for November. Mike’s top five signs it’s pretty darn cold.
#5. The last four people who have said “cold enough for ya?”, are “missing”.
#4. You saw a politician with his hands in his own pocket.
#3. The chairman of the board of Terasen gas has called twice to thank you for your support.
#2. The furnace shut off just for a moment last night and you were thinking “hey, what’s that sound?”.
#1. At dinner, you’re no longer using metal knives, forks and spoons.
Today is Buy Nothing Day – a day to fight against the crass commercialism of Christmas. Today people are encouraged to make some of their gifts and work towards a home-made Christmas. Top five signs it’s a homemade Christmas at your house.
#5. Instead of looks of surprise and joy Christmas morning, you’re faced with dough-eyed looks of disbelief.
#4. The beautifully decorated jar of potpourri smells a bit like pickles.
#3. Two days before Christmas Grampa asks you what your favourite barn animal is.
#2. Asking Santa for a Wii takes on a whole new meaning when it’s a homemade Christmas.
#1. Homemade diddly squat bears a striking resemblance to store bought diddly squat.
Mike’s top five ways to have fun while (other people are) Christmas shopping.
#5. Go to M&M Meat Shops pretend to page “clean up in isle two” (ha h ha – there’s only one isle at M&M’s).
#4. Hide inside the clothing racks and while someone browses through yell, “Pick me! Pick me!”
#3. Move the “Caution Wet Floor” sign outside to the parking lot near a puddle.
#2. Dart around the store, using your coat as a cape, going from display to display, waving your ice scraper, chanting “Expecto a greatus dealus, with no payus til Mayus..”
#1. Fill a shopping cart with so many items that it’s overflowing, then go up to the checkout line and find a guy with just one item, then ask if you can get ahead of them.