Author: Mike Benny

Ways to make Halloween less scary

Costume available here.
Last year it was killer clowns, this year it’s IT clowns… Every year as Halloween approaches people start talking about how Halloween is getting too scary, particularly for young kids. So here are some suggestions for making Halloween less scary (for young kids).

#5. Clowns must only call you into the sewer if there really is cool stuff down there.

#4. All ghosts must wear a sign stating whether they are real or pretend ghosts.

#3. ‘Bobbing for apples’ will replaced with ‘selecting apple slices from a shallow bowl of bottled water’.

#2. All fake blood must be green so it doesn’t look real (unless it’s from an alien creature..).

#1. Remember the true spirit of Halloween is not in scaring children, it’s in being up to your armpits in Reese’s peanut butter cups!!

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Impossible Questions for October 2017

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Nowadays, this happens about 63 times a day, last year it only happened 22 times a day.

ANSWER: Attacks on websites [source].

(Attacks on websites) nearly tripled year over year in the second quarter of 2017, from a daily average of 22 per day in the same quarter last year to 63 per day.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: This will actually make your lunch taste better.

ANSWER: Having someone else make it for you [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Doing this can improve your IQ by five points.

ANSWER: Playing an instrument [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: We have about 20 of these every year.

ANSWER: Bottles of wine.

Average Canadian drinks 15 litres/year (or 20 750mil bottles)

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The biggest one of these is 17cm.

ANSWER: Mouth [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: On average, one of these travels about 1,500 miles (2,400 km).

ANSWER: A question asked to Google [source].

Every query has to travel on average 1,500 miles to a data center and back to return the answer to the user (in 0.2 of a second).

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: This costs about 84 cents (per year).

ANSWER: Charging your phone for one year [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Statistically, you will probably lose at least two friends if you do this.

ANSWER: Fall in love [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: In Canada we have 32 of these. More than any other country in the world!

ANSWER: Space object impact craters.

More Impossible Questions here…

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Impossible Questions for September 2017

“The Blue Marble” is a famous photograph of the Earth taken on December 7, 1972, by the crew of the Apollo 17 spacecraft en route to the Moon at a distance of about 29,000 kilometres (18,000 mi). It shows Africa, Antarctica, and the Arabian Peninsula.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: We don’t know who came up with it’s name, but we all call it this.

ANSWER: Earth [source].

The name “Earth” is derived from both English and German words, ‘eor(th)e/ertha’ and ‘erde’, respectively, which mean ground. But, the handle’s creator is unknown. – source

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: If you had 70 of these, you would have more than anyone in the world.

ANSWER: Children [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: According to a new study, this occupation now has the highest divorce rate.

ANSWER: Casino Manager [source].

#1. Casino Manager
#2. Bartender
#3. Flight Attendant
#4. Casino worker
#5. Metal/plastics workers

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: To help you keep time while performing CPR, this is the best song to listen to.

ANSWER: Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees [ source].

New York-Presbyterian Hospital released a CPR playlist on their website to help people maintain rhythm while performing CPR.
#1. Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees
#2. Cecilia – Simon & Garfunkel
#3. Hard To Handle – Black Crows
#4. Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd
#5. Rock Your Body – Justin Timberlake

Not everyone has one of these, but if you do, it’s worth about $23,000 CDN.

ANSWER: A minimum wage job in BC [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The guys who started this company actually just flipped a coin to see who’s name would be first.

ANSWER: HP (Hewlett Packard) [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: When it comes to bathroom time, people in higher incomes tend to prefer this in the bathroom.

ANSWER: Toilet paper roll over the top [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Just believing you did this, even if you didn’t, will improve your performance.

ANSWER: Had a good sleep [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: As it turns out, an average guy will do this for half of his life.

ANSWER: Look at women [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Aside from humans; dolphins, house cats and honey badgers also do this?

ANSWER: Hunt for fun/sport [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The most expensive one of these cost $20,722.65 CDN (the one your kid has probably cost a lot less).

ANSWER: Fidget Spinner [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 30% of us have had this stolen at work.

ANSWER: An idea.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Of those of us that do this, almost all of us find it impossible to do it with a straight face.

ANSWER: Talk to our pets.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 60% of women (and only 54% of men) believe that THIS will help them get ahead at work.

ANSWER: Hard work [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 29% of us do THIS at work.

ANSWER: Lie to the boss [source].

More Impossible Questions here…

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Impossible Questions for August 2017

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The world’s largest one of these is 27 km long (on the border between France and Switzerland).

ANSWER: Refrigerator [source].

The 9,300 magnets inside the 27 km (approx. 17 miles) circumference of the Large Hadron Collider are designed to be refrigerated for operational use. 10,080 tonnes of liquid nitrogen are needed to cool them down to just -193.2 C, before they are filled with nearly 60 tonnes of liquid helium, which cools them further to just -271.3 C.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Women have one more of these than men.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Pairs of jeans (on average women own 7 pairs and men 6 pairs).

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 15% of households have two of these.

ANSWER: Refrigerator [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Doing this actually does help heal a wound.

ANSWER: Kissing it [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The first one was built in 1994. By 2020 there will be about 82 million of them. I have one!

ANSWER: Virtual reality headsets [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Apparently 39% of us have this in our kitchen.

ANSWER: Chopsticks.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 11% of us do this at home, the rest of us wait til we get to our workplace to do it.

ANSWER: Work (11.2% of Canadians work from home) [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The smallest, working one of these is about 2 feet wide and 4 feet long.

ANSWER: A road-worthy car [source].

More Impossible Questions here…

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Things you should know about napping

Thirty-four percent of us have napped in the last 24 hours.

A survey of 1,488 adults revealed that, men are more likely to nap than women. Napping for just 10 minutes can enhance your alertness, mood, and mental performance.

Here are Mike’s top five things you should know about napping.

#5. If it’s under an hour it’s a nap, over an hour it’s sleep.
#4. If you awake from one of your “naps” and you’re no longer employed – maybe it wasn’t technically a “nap” – more a “passing out”.
#3. Your pants must remain on the entire time (particularly important if you’re napping at work).
#2. “Nodding off in the council chamber” is NOT to be used as a euphemism for anything other than sleeping during city council meetings.
#1. If you wake up from your nap with one of the kids screaming “watch out dad!!” – it could be time to pull over to the side of the road.

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Impossible Questions for July 2017

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: If you are a young adult (18-26) with a job, there’s a 28% chance you also have one of these.

ANSWER: A side job [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Only 3% of people that do this, do it professionally.

Hint: Not many people still do this after their mid twenties.
Hint: Not something you would brag about.

ANSWER: Shoplift [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: We do this a lot, but we only do it right 34% of the time.

ANSWER: Self-diagnose an ailment using the Internet [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 62% of people say they are regularly angry at ___.

ANSWER: God [source].

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: People seem to do this more while on an airplane (and there’s a pretty good reason why they do).

ANSWER: Fart (air pressure changes cause the movement of gas).

The average person will consume 35,000 of these over their lifetime.

ANSWER: Cookies

More Impossible Questions here…

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