Category: Top Five

Ways to Celebrate Earth Day

Earth Day 2017

703977_10151254730923119_86380795_o If you are looking for new and “different” ways to celebrate Earth Day, here are some suggestions…

#5. Make clever gifts for each other using only materials that are found on Earth like, gold, silver, chocolate, rubber, wood, plastic, mercury, bacon, ducks, etc…

#4. Throw a big party for Earth but don’t invite Megatron, Loki or any Romulans. Do invite Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi.

#3. Calculate your Carbon Footprint and then make it you Facebook status for the day! (Example: Mine is 19.9 metric tons)

#2. Watch the movie 2012, but shut it off right before the global cataclysm.

#2a. Show compassion for faux-planets like Pluto, but never let them forget you got your own day!

#1. Use less energy by avoiding unnecessary switching of radio channels.

Happy Earth Day. I hope we win Planet of The Year again this year!

More on Earth Day here…

 

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Problems with cycling in Prince George

I sure am seeing a lot more cyclists on the road lately. Here are the top five problems with cycling in Prince George.

5. Keeping two double-doubles and a single-single in the little basket without getting the Timbits wet.

4. Potholes.

3. Deciding between hitting the icy patch or risking the puddle of indeterminate depth.

2. That wet strip of puddle water up the back of your suit!

1. People driving their cars, looking enviously, as you text and talk on your cell all the way to work!

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St. Patrick’s Day Jokes!

St. Patrick’s death occurred on either March 8th or 9th in 461 A.D. Church officials weren’t sure so they added them together and made it the 17th. Good thing it wasn’t March 28th or 29th…


Mike’s Top Five Worst St. Patrick’s Day Jokes.

Lucky Charms
Lucky Charms – photo taken by Evan-Amos

#5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s day!

#4. Why did the leprechaun buy TWO lottery tickets? Dublin his odds!

#3. Why would you never iron a four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.

#2. Why are leprechauns always asking for money? Because they’re always a little short before payday.

#1. Where does a leprechaun buy his suits? From a four leaf clothier.


Top Five Ways To Get in Trouble on St Patrick’s Day.

#5. Eat haggis, drink scotch and insist Scotland and Ireland are the same thing.

#4. Wear a button that says “Kiss me, I’m Iris”.

#3. Instead of wearing something green, wear something until it’s green.

#2. Go door to door – demanding candy.

#1. Re-introduce snakes to the island.


Ways to tell your neighbor might be a Leprechaun

#5. Always tries to cover up his Irish accent by saying things like “G’day Mate..”.

#4. Rainbow always seems to end in his backyard.

#3. Spends his summers planting clover along foothills blvd…

#2. Always wears green and he isn’t even from Saskatchewan.

#1. Always thinks everyone is after his Lucky Charms!

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NASA finds seven life-supporting planets only 40 light-years away

Trappist_1_system
Only a drawing, not an actual photograph of the Trappist-1 system. Drawing from: CNN Online

The headline: NASA finds seven life-supporting planets only 40 light-years away.

fyi: These seven planets are orbiting the dwarf star Trappist-1 and are very, very far awayyyy.

Things to know before you book your flight…

  1. These planets are at least 40 light-years away. So, very far away. Note: 1 Light Year = 9.5 trillion kilometers.
  2. Though they may be capable of supporting a basic life system, they may not have high-speed and may still be using dial-up.
  3. Because Trappist-1 is a dwarf star, you would receive 200 times less light than you do from our current Sun. So, pre-tanning: not necessary.
  4. Trappist-1 is quite a bit younger than our Sun and will likely continue for another trillion years after our Sun fades.
  5. If on your journey, you see Megatron, Loki and a bunch of Romulans, just mind your own business and don’t get involved.
  6. Did we mention, it’s very far awayyyy?!
Yes, very, very far awayyyy.
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Top five indications it is almost March

There are some obvious indications that March is almost here and there are some not so obvious indications — Mike’s top five less than obvious indications that it’s almost March.
#5. The squirrel in my backyard seems to be even more active than Jay Z, George Clooney, Mel Gibson and Rod Stewart right now!
#4. I notice I have a unique combination of soccer cleats, court shoes AND hockey skates in the back of the van.
#3. After meeting with the RRSP guy, I realize I’ve been mathematically eliminated from retirement. Again!
#2. Two cold sores and a chipped tooth later – I realizing not all cups are roll up the rim cups.
#1. Playing connect the dots with the rock chips on my windshield I can now create an entire stick-people family.

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It’s a Star Wars Valentine’s Day

jedi vdayIf you’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places, try a few of these powerful love-lines to reach the Jedi level of Romancery.

#5. Yoda one for me.
#5a. I love you with Maul my heart.
#4. I’ve been lookin’ for love in Alderaan places.
#4a. I find your lack of love disturbing.
#3. Our love will never Endor.
#3a. You R2 good for me.
#2. You’re the Obi-Won for me!
#2a. I love you. But you knew that.
#1. I’ve been Solo for too long.

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They’re just not that into the #SuperBowl

Ricky Ray
Go Eskimos!!

Not everyone is into the Super Bowl. Top five signs that someone is not really into the Super Bowl.

#5. Every time someone says the words “Super Bowl” they conjure up images of giant toilets and giggle to themselves.

#4. They awkwardly observe that if each touchdown is 7 points, they’re just like dog-year-points.

#3. They honestly think it has something to do with bowling.

#2. After the half-time show they get up from the couch, stretch, yawn and say “okay… so who’s up for that Gilmore Girls marathon on channel 21?”

#1. You shout “GO!”, they shout “Eskimos!”.

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Why you will not be able to keep your resolution

Gen_topfive

from 4 years ago…

Top five reasons why you may not be able to keep your New Year’s resolution this year.

#5. Those patches don’t stick very well.

#4. You’re just the President and you really don’t have that much power if Congress won’t support your ideas.

#3. Everyone else is making it difficult for you to do it and that’s why you can never do anything with your life.

#2. That pesky hobbit stole your ring and now Sméagol is really ticked at you.

#1. You forgot you made a resolution this year and have already done it twice.

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Opting out of Christmas?

opt-out-christmas
Would you like to avoid all the stress of Christmas gift buying this year? Why not opt-out?

Here are the top five benefits of opting out of Christmas.

#5. A chance to ignore all the crass commercialism and concentrate on the true meaning of mindless shopping and the endless worship of our possessions.

#4. Double-time-and-a-half if you go to work.

#3. January’s Mastercard bill should weigh a little less.

#2. Seven tons of plastic, cardboard and twisties won’t be sitting in your bin for three weeks, while you try to figure out when the next blue zone pick up will be.

#1. Pout, shout, cry and stay up as late as you want kids!


Seriously?

“Almost 80% of Canadians surveyed by RBC have gotten gifts they don’t like. So give something else: Give the gift of time. Instead of buying presents, go for brunch with your gang or go on an excursion with the family. If you want to give the gift of giving, consider charity: The Western Union Holiday Gifting Index says 87% of Canadian consumers would trade one of their holiday gifts to make someone else happy.  [Here’s the article…]”

 

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Are you too old for Trick-or-Treating this #Halloween?

Mike Benny costume. The Radio Whisperer meets The Dog Whisperer...
Mike Benny costume. The Radio Whisperer meets The Dog Whisperer…

I think anyone at any age can dress up and celebrate Halloween, but when it comes to actually going door-to-door and trick-or-treating, there are some signs that you might be too old for that…

You might be too old to trick-or-treat this year…

  • When someone drops a treat in your bag, you lose you balance and fall over.
  • You knock on the door and say “Trick or…..”.
  • You get other kids to chew your treats for you (or the dog), just to get them nice and soft.
  • You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
  • You actually remember when Halloween was called All Hallows Eve.
  • At every door, you stop and explain that your treats can’t contain aspartame, because it makes you really gassy.

More on Halloween here !

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