Mike’s top five Father’s Day gift ideas

number-one-dad

Mike’s top five odd Father’s Day gifts.
#5. A tie cake. Everyone knows, ties are more a pie item.;)
#4. Number one Dad cheese log. Because, really if it’s a cheese log there won’t be a number two.
#3. Tiger Woods’ semi-autobiographical “How to swing like a Pro”.
#2. Lindsay Lohans’ “Top ten reasons why I respect and admire my father”.
#1. Three words: Home Taxidermy kit.

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Least popular Father’s Day gifts
“Oh look, a potpourri filled basket of cherry-banana-rasberry lotions and creams!”. Mike’s top five other least popular Father’s Day gift ideas.
#5. The Pat Bell home barber kit (second only to the Ron Polillo “hair removal system”).
#4. An overly mushy card. Keep it to something like this: “If we ever need to know the score, you’re always there”.
#3. Anything that “goes with the lamps”.
#2. Any book that has a title that contains the words “for Dummies” or “quick and easy”.
#1. A handsome wall plaque listing all of Bill Gates accomplishments next to a list of all of Dad’s accomplishments (better idea might be, a handsome wall plaque listing all of Lindsay Lohan’s Dad’s accomplishments next to your dad’s..).

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Top five things you’ll never hear dad say
Our contest “Play Dad” is all about things that dad would say. Mike’s top five things you’ll NEVER hear dad say.
#5. Why would you want to go get a job? I have tons of money and don’t mind forkin’ it out so you can lolly gag at the University of Dad’s Paying.
#4. You know pumpkin, I think you’re ready for unchaperoned car dates.
#3. Your mom and I are going away for the weekend, why don’t you have a few friends over for a party while we’re gone.
#2. Here’s my credit card, go crazy! See you at the food court whenever you feel you’ve shopped enough.
#1. Well how about that, I guess I’m lost. I better stop and ask someone for directions.

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