Mike’s top five odd Father’s Day gifts.
#5. A tie cake. Everyone knows, ties are more a pie item.;)
#4. Number one Dad cheese log. Because, really if it’s a cheese log there won’t be a number two.
#3. Tiger Woods’ semi-autobiographical “How to swing like a Pro”.
#2. Lindsay Lohans’ “Top ten reasons why I respect and admire my father”.
#1. Three words: Home Taxidermy kit.
Least popular Father’s Day gifts
“Oh look, a potpourri filled basket of cherry-banana-rasberry lotions and creams!”. Mike’s top five other least popular Father’s Day gift ideas.
#5. The Pat Bell home barber kit (second only to the Ron Polillo “hair removal system”).
#4. An overly mushy card. Keep it to something like this: “If we ever need to know the score, you’re always there”.
#3. Anything that “goes with the lamps”.
#2. Any book that has a title that contains the words “for Dummies” or “quick and easy”.
#1. A handsome wall plaque listing all of Bill Gates accomplishments next to a list of all of Dad’s accomplishments (better idea might be, a handsome wall plaque listing all of Lindsay Lohan’s Dad’s accomplishments next to your dad’s..).
Top five things you’ll never hear dad say
Our contest “Play Dad” is all about things that dad would say. Mike’s top five things you’ll NEVER hear dad say.
#5. Why would you want to go get a job? I have tons of money and don’t mind forkin’ it out so you can lolly gag at the University of Dad’s Paying.
#4. You know pumpkin, I think you’re ready for unchaperoned car dates.
#3. Your mom and I are going away for the weekend, why don’t you have a few friends over for a party while we’re gone.
#2. Here’s my credit card, go crazy! See you at the food court whenever you feel you’ve shopped enough.
#1. Well how about that, I guess I’m lost. I better stop and ask someone for directions.