It’s a Star Wars Valentine’s Day

jedi vdayIf you’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places, try a few of these powerful love-lines to reach the Jedi level of Romancery.

#5. Yoda one for me.
#5a. I love you with Maul my heart.
#4. I’ve been lookin’ for love in Alderaan places.
#4a. I find your lack of love disturbing.
#3. Our love will never Endor.
#3a. You R2 good for me.
#2. You’re the Obi-Won for me!
#2a. I love you. But you knew that.
#1. I’ve been Solo for too long.

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Groundhog Day!

Hamburger Helper
Three Cheese Hamburger Helper
Here are some facts about the Groundhog..

 

  • Groundhog is one word, not two.
  • Groundhogs live in Canada as well as the Eastern and Midwestern U.S..
  • They also go by the name ‘Woodchuck’.
  • They are a member of the Squirrel family.
  • Whiarton Willie has not always been Willie (in 1956 they started with Grundoon followed by Muldoon, Dandune and then Willie.).
  • An average Groundhog is two feet long and about ten pounds (that’s three boxes of Hamburger Helper).

 

Whether a Groundhog sees his shadow or not, the first day of Spring is March 20 – in 6 ½ weeks.

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They’re just not that into the #SuperBowl

Ricky Ray
Go Eskimos!!

Not everyone is into the Super Bowl. Top five signs that someone is not really into the Super Bowl.

#5. Every time someone says the words “Super Bowl” they conjure up images of giant toilets and giggle to themselves.

#4. They awkwardly observe that if each touchdown is 7 points, they’re just like dog-year-points.

#3. They honestly think it has something to do with bowling.

#2. After the half-time show they get up from the couch, stretch, yawn and say “okay… so who’s up for that Gilmore Girls marathon on channel 21?”

#1. You shout “GO!”, they shout “Eskimos!”.

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Mike’s Impossible Question – January 2017


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The average mom does this 13 times a month.

Answer: Feels totally well [source]!

The average mom gets sick 324 times during her kid’s childhood.

Here’s the breakdown of those 324 illnesses: 108 sore throats . . . 108 runny noses . . . 54 colds . . . 36 stomach bugs or cases of diarrhea . . . 12 cases of the flu . . . and six cases of lice and other random illnesses.

The survey also found the average mom only feels totally healthy 13 days a month. – from Z95.net


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: What is the most common street name in Canada (it’s also the most common street name in the US).

Answer: 2nd (source).


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 54% of people that have one of these, don’t know how to use it.

Answer: Home security system [source].


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: 79, is the average number of times you will need to do THIS before you do THIS.

Answer: Kiss different people, before you marry someone [source].


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: We use 7.5 trees per year (on average) just so we can do this.

Answer: Breathe.
We require seven to eight trees to provide enough oxygen for just one person per year [source].


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: One of these will cost you about $48 per day.

Answer: A child.
The US Department of Agriculture says the estimated cost of raising a child from birth through age 17 is $233,610 US ($309,544 CDN). So, the breakdown in Canadian dollars = $17,196 yr / $1,433 month / $48 day.


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The longest one of these on record lasted 13 seconds.

ANSWER: Flight of a chicken. [source]


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: On the Top Ten list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2017, THIS was #11.

ANSWER:
1. Lose Weight / Healthier Eating
2. Life / Self Improvements
3. Better Financial Decisions
4. Quit Smoking
5. Do more exciting things
6. Spend More Time with Family / Close Friends
7. Work out more often
8. Learn something new on my own
9. Do more good deeds for others
10. Find the love of my life
11. Find a better job
[source]


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: An average teenage girl will spend 25 minutes more than an average teenage boy doing THIS every day.

ANSWER: Talking to family members (parents, siblings… etc).






IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Doing THIS will make you feel happier and less tired in the morning.

ANSWER: Sleeping naked.[Source]


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The first one of these sold for $12.50, the equivalent of $164 today. [Source]

ANSWER:
The first ballpoint pens in America sold for $12.50, the equivalent of $164 today.


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: On the list of “The Top 10 Most Commonly Misspelled Words” this word is #1. [Source]

ANSWER:
#1. embarrass
#2. existence
#3. liaison
#4. perseverance


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: To make just one of THESE requires at least 37 gallons of water (and I’ll bet you’re having at least one today). [Source]

ANSWER:
A cup of coffee. To produce enough beans to make one cup of coffee requires 37 gallons of water. By comparison, an apple takes 19 gallons, a banana 27, and a pair of leather shoes 4,400 gallons.


More here…

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Floss, polish and reclamation

Don’t you love going to the dentist for a cleaning? Your teeth feel so smooth and clean. You can go like this “thhhhhh” between every tooth.

We know we’re suppose to clean our teeth like that after every meal, but we don’t. It’s not that we can’t clean our own teeth or we don’t know how. It’s just better when someone else does it.

So, here’s my big idea…

How about we set up Floss N’ Go booths at the mall food court?

You finish your lunch, you pop in there and for like 5.99 they professionally floss your teeth and you get on with your day.

Maybe there could even be a 6.99 ‘floss and polish’ special too, or the 8.99 ‘floss, polish and reclamation’ special?

With the ‘floss, polish and reclamation’ special the “FPR”. They could baggy all the remnant food bits they collect from your mouth and you could take them home for the dog or for a snack for later. Okay… that’s gross.

Good idea?

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Friday the 13th. So?

Friday the 13th is a date considered to be bad luck in most of North American. Although most experts agree, there is no real evidence to support a “Friday the 13th” superstition and no real cause to fear the date.

The fear of Friday the 13th has been called friggatriskaidekaphobia (Frigga being the name of the Norse goddess for whom “Friday” is named and triskaidekaphobia meaning fear of the number thirteen).

The Dutch Centre for Insurance Statistics (CVS), stated that “fewer accidents and reports of fire and theft occur on Friday the 13th than on other Fridays, because people are preventatively more careful. Statistically speaking, driving is slightly safer on Friday the 13th.

Source: Wikipedia article

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Why you will not be able to keep your resolution

Gen_topfive

from 4 years ago…

Top five reasons why you may not be able to keep your New Year’s resolution this year.

#5. Those patches don’t stick very well.

#4. You’re just the President and you really don’t have that much power if Congress won’t support your ideas.

#3. Everyone else is making it difficult for you to do it and that’s why you can never do anything with your life.

#2. That pesky hobbit stole your ring and now Sméagol is really ticked at you.

#1. You forgot you made a resolution this year and have already done it twice.

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The Cost of Christmas 2016

The cost of Christmas has gone up slightly (mostly because of an increases in the price of Turtle Doves and wage increases for Drummers and Pipers).
Merry Christmas! – Mike

The cost of each gift item, once: $34,363.49 (US) = $46,475.96 (CDN)

The true cost of all the gifts, when you count each repetition in the song (364 gift items): $156,507.88 (US) = $211,675.72 (CDN)


Click the image to enlarge

More here (PNCChristmasPriceIndex.com)…

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Mike’s Impossible Question – December 2016


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: There are about one septillion (that’s 1 followed by 24 zeros) of these and they’re all around us. Some people get more than others. [Source]

ANSWER:
Every winter at least one septillion (that’s 1 followed by 24 zeros) snow crystals fall from the sky.


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: The average shopper will spend $786 on others and THIS MUCH on themselves at Christmas. [Source]

ANSWER:
The average holiday shopper will spend $107.50 on themselves.


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: THIS type of shopper is more susceptible to impulse buying. [Source]

ANSWER:
Someone shopping alone.


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Most gift givers think THIS will be the least appreciated gift, but as it turns out, it’s really the most appreciated gift. [Uber Facts]

ANSWER:
Cash!


IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: During the Christmas of 1983, THIS SONG surpassed Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” on the holiday Billboard charts. [Uber Facts]

ANSWER:

“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”.






IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: Most of us want one of THESE at Christmas, more than 85% of them are imported from China.

ANSWER:
Artificial Christmas trees.



IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Most cats can jump 7 times as high (or as far) as THIS.

ANSWER:
Their tail length.



IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Wearing THIS for just an hour will increase the amount of bacteria on your body by 700 times. [Did You Knows]

ANSWER:
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.



IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Each square inch of human skin contains 625 of THESE.

ANSWER:
Sweat glands.



IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
40% of people admit to doing THIS during a holiday party at someone’s house.

ANSWER:

Wipe their hands on the furniture.






IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION: When it comes to Christmas spending – 86% of people say they will buy THIS this year.

ANSWER:
Scotch tape.



IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
In December 1984, THIS SONG outsold Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. [Uber Facts]

ANSWER:
“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”.


More here…

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