1. How did this happen? Congress and the Senate couldn’t agree on a spending bill, so the government doesn’t have the authority to spend money.
2. What happens next? Unless they have been declared “essential,” about a million federal employees will stop working today.
3. How long will this shutdown last? Don’t know, the last one in 1995 lasted 21 days.
4. Could it happen here? No.
The way things are set up here this would never happen. If the government couldn’t pass it’s budget and lost the confidence of the house, all Canadian workers would be issued Tim Hortons gift cards (or the Governor General would dissolve the House, call an election and issue a special warrant to cover federal spending).
Glow-in-the dark dinosaur money? You’re killing me, Smalls!
Hey. So guess what?
The Royal Canadian Mint (read: the government agency responsible for creating all of Canada’s highly touted funny money) issued coins with freaking GLOW IN THE DARK DINOSAURS ON THEM this week.
This confirms my suspicion that our country is being run by 11-year-old boys on acid.
Have you ever wondered why Canada doesn’t have orphans wandering through the streets offering to shine your shoes and stuff? IT’S BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN CAPTURED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND ARE BEING FORCED TO DESIGN YOUR MONEY.
The Bachelor Canada will air this fall! It will be a Canadian version of the hit show and will be shot this spring. Right now they are seeking potential Bachelorettes at CityTV.com/BachelorCanada. Mike’s top five differences between the American Bachelor and the Canadian Bachelor.
#5. We feel the need to spell it with a “u”. B-a-c-h-e-l-o-u-r.
#4. Instead of the host downing Margaritas in between segments, everyone passes around a giant beer.
#3. I don’t think the American version of the show has a Zamboni segment, does it?
#2. Roses cost a lot more up here, so instead, there will be a dandelion ceremony.
#1. Bachelors are selected from a pool of rejected contestants from Canada’s Worst Driver, Canada’s Worst Handyman and Man Tracker. Sorry ladies!
We will celebrate Canada’s 144th birthday at Fort George Park on Friday. Mike’s top five preparations you should be making for Canada Day.
#5. Apologize for cutting in front of someone, even though you didn’t. Then, they apologize for cutting in front of YOU.
#4. If you don’t have a Canadian flag – wash your Toronto Maple Leaf jersey with something red.
#3. Practice getting up from the grass after eating your souvlaki, so you don’t have to do that big roll-over on your side, squishing they kid’s ice cream bar while you try to stand up.
#2. Practice holding it. Remember public restrooms lose their ‘sanitized for you protection’ status after being open for 2 or 3 minutes.
#1. Google the words to Oh Canada – so at least you can mouth the words if you have to.
Canadians are the second happiest group in the world according to a new study released by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD).
The index covers 11 areas: housing, incomes, employment, social relationships, education, the environment, the administration of institutions, health, general satisfaction, security and the balance between work and family.
The United States finished seventh, Turkey finished last. Australia ranked first in the overall happiness scale.
So, why is Canada in 2nd place on the World Happiness Scale? Why aren’t we number one?
#5. That whole no stat in February thing.
#4. Last year we were too apologetic for being in 1st place.
#3. Ben Mulroney (Brian too..).
#2. We are still recovering from a bad case of election-roids.
IN 30 WORDS: Stephen Harper’s Conservatives have a majority government and Jack Layton’s NDP will be the official opposition. Michael Ignatieff’s Liberals placed 3rd and Ignatieff lost his seat. The Bloc are done.
THOUGHTS: When I saw Ignatieff’s speech last night it reminded me of the T-Rex in Meet The Robinsons – “I have a big head and little arms and I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”