Mike’s top five ways to increase voter turn out.
#5. Make them cheaper – 300 million to end up exactly where we were the day before, seems slightly ridiculous. Why not, the next federal election is 25% off!
#4. How about an election mascot? Election Ernie?! He could walk around handing out voters to suckers… I mean promises to suckers.
#3. It would be nice if they let you keep the little pencil after you vote.
#2. Why not jazz up the polling booths a bit? Instead of a card board folding wall, we could have a magical “cone of voting” lowered from the ceiling.
#1. How about everyone gets a cookie and some juice? It works at the blood donor clinic!
#1a. Instead of voting, voters get to wack the giant “Election 2015 Piniata” until a Prime Minister falls out.
Tomorrow is election day!! Six people are running for the mayor’s job, eighteen people are running for council positions and sixteen are running for School Board. These people deserve our respect. There are many difficulties associated with running for local office. Mike’s top five problems with running for local office.
#5. Paying full price for your newspaper and radio ads.
#4. Your “a free Canterbury for your vote” platform could end up costing you a lot more than you thought.
#3. Local media are biting, unforgiving, mindful watchdogs of the public trust.
#2. Trying not to use the words “Nard” or “Noob” at candidate debates.
#1. You finally get more than 10 likes on your Facebook page and the whole thing is over tomorrow!
Top five ways to add some spice to this year’s Civic Election!
#5. All the candidates have to listen to the morning show for four weeks for their cue to call. When they hear the cue to call, they have to be caller 11 to qualify for a reverse draw to see who gets into the final grand prize showdown to be a new city councilor or – the grand grand prize draw to see who gets to be the Mayor!
#4. Change all the L’s to R’s on all the signs.
#3. Two words: Dodge Ball.
#2. Instead of voting, voters get to whack the giant “Election 2011 Pinata” until a few city councilors and a mayor fall out.
#1. Rename the election campaign: From “The 2011 Civic Election” to “Know Your Limit Play Within It”!
Alternate #1. Have the election hosted by a mean morning show guy, who doesn’t care about the issues and just wants to know who’s wearing a thong and who isn’t!
IN 30 WORDS: Stephen Harper’s Conservatives have a majority government and Jack Layton’s NDP will be the official opposition. Michael Ignatieff’s Liberals placed 3rd and Ignatieff lost his seat. The Bloc are done.
THOUGHTS: When I saw Ignatieff’s speech last night it reminded me of the T-Rex in Meet The Robinsons – “I have a big head and little arms and I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”
QUOTE-2: Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!”
I am not looking forward to paying for another federal election.
[Insert: slight exaggeration] In the last ten years we have had four federal elections that have cost taxpayers nearly one billion dollars.
[Insert: rhetorical question] Can you imagine the good that could be done with one billion dollars?
I’m not just whining. I have a solution.
How about each political party starts a fan page on Facebook and instead of voting we just go and “Like” that page. The political party with the most likes after two weeks, runs the country.
Afterward, the other parties, get to start a Twitter account and as soon as they get more than a million followers on Twitter, they get to be the official opposition.
Every two years all the parties have to close their Facebook and Twitter accounts and start over.
Potential savings to tax payers: ONE BILLION DOLLARS!
Shirley Bond and Pat Bell were both re-elected last night (so was John Rustad in his newly formed riding). Here are the top five things on Shirley Bond and Pat Bell’s to do list today.
#5. Put that morning show idea on hold for now.. ‘Benny & Rae and Bond & Bell in The Morning’.
#4. Take down all your election signs and build a really cool ice fishing shack.
#3. Immediately introduce ‘The DJ Value Bill’, a resolution that removes all provincial taxation and sets a ceiling price of just $2.99 for all Wendy’s Value Combo Meals.
#2. Call John Rustad and remind him how you two are on the front page of the paper and he isn’t.
#1. Spend some quality time in thoughtful consideration of the weight of the onerous mandate given you by the people of this province and the awesome implications of such.. naw; psych! Party on dudes!
Mike’s top five ways to make the next provincial election more exciting.
#5. More talk about SUVs and less talk about STVs.
#4. During candidate debates, “the next thing you say has to start with the first letter of last word the other guy just said”.
#3. All candidates names must rhyme with name of their riding.
#1. Have the all the polling stations manned by crazy morning show people, who don’t care about the issues and just want to hold your Egg McMuffin while you go vote.