Mike Benny costume. The Radio Whisperer meets The Dog Whisperer…
I think anyone at any age can dress up and celebrate Halloween, but when it comes to actually going door-to-door and trick-or-treating, there are some signs that you might be too old for that…
You might be too old to trick-or-treat this year…
When someone drops a treat in your bag, you lose you balance and fall over.
You knock on the door and say “Trick or…..”.
You get other kids to chew your treats for you (or the dog), just to get them nice and soft.
You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
You actually remember when Halloween was called All Hallows Eve.
At every door, you stop and explain that your treats can’t contain aspartame, because it makes you really gassy.
More on Halloween
It seemed like not as many kids as usual were out trick or treating last night. Mike’s top five reasons why there might have been fewer kids at your door this year.
#5. You inadvertently answered the door while cleaning your chainsaw and your goalie mask.
#4. You were answering the door in your bath robe – holding a smoke in one hand – a tall gin and tonic in the other hand – telling all the kids that you were out of candy but “here’s a handful of Aspirin”.
#3. I guess that rabid snow monkey tied to the post, throwing fecal matter at people in the front yard was more effective than you thought it would be.
#2. The crazy cat lady from the morning show, wouldn’t give you any candy til she correctly guessed your age – – and it takes forrrrrrrevvvvvver!
#1. Ya, I guess shutting off all the lights and hiding in the basement worked again! All the more for me!
It’s almost time for “trick or treating” and if you’re thinking about “tricking” Friday night here are Mike’s top five safe yet tricky Halloween “tricks”.
Trick foods from Foodnetwork.com
#5. Knock on the door then hide to the side of the door and pretend no one is there.
#4. Hide colorful eggs all over someone’s yard.
#3. Evoke ancient chants and solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. Wait. Maybe not.
#2. Walk through the Haunted House going “not scary, not scary, not scary…”
#1. Dress as Dumbledore but tell everyone you’re Gandalf.
Check out how to make those chopped-up fingers and other trick foods at
Find other Halloween top five lists
Mike’s top five houses to avoid on Halloween night.
#5. Any house that you see Lindsay Lohan leaving with her make up all messed up.
#4. Any house that wasn’t there just a second ago.
#3. Any house with balloons tied to it and a Boy Scout on the porch.
#2. Any house with several realistic statues in the front yard of people in “running” positions.
#1. Any house handing out toothbrushes. That’s too scary. They just don’t get it.
Every year as Halloween approaches some people start talking about how they feel Halloween is too scary for young kids. So here are Mike’s top five ways to make Halloween less scary.
#5. No Michael Lohan costumes. Don’t let the kids watch Dancing with the Stars if The Hoff is on.
#4. All ghosts have to wear a sign stating whether they are real or pretend ghosts.
#3. ‘Bobbing for apples’ will now be ‘selecting apple slices from a shallow bowl of bottled water’.
#2. All fake blood must be green so it doesn’t look real (unless it’s from an alien creature..).
#1. Remember the true spirit of Halloween is not in scaring children, it’s in being up to your armpits in Reeses’s peanut butter cups!!
The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown is on tonight. Mike’s top five other not so popular Halloween TV specials
#5. CKPG TV’s Mike Benny’s ‘Sweaters I Wore on TV in the 80’s!!’.
#4. Linkin Park’s ‘We Put The Hell In Helloween’.
#3. The Dugger’s 18 kids, 17 costumes, help mommy pick who’s out, Halloween special’.
#2. The Great Kidney Stone Charlie Brown.
#1. Last night’s, Premiere Gordon Campbell’s ‘Scaring the H out of the HST’.