Tag: Halloween

Are you too old for Trick-or-Treating this #Halloween?

Mike Benny costume. The Radio Whisperer meets The Dog Whisperer...
Mike Benny costume. The Radio Whisperer meets The Dog Whisperer…

I think anyone at any age can dress up and celebrate Halloween, but when it comes to actually going door-to-door and trick-or-treating, there are some signs that you might be too old for that…

You might be too old to trick-or-treat this year…

  • When someone drops a treat in your bag, you lose you balance and fall over.
  • You knock on the door and say “Trick or…..”.
  • You get other kids to chew your treats for you (or the dog), just to get them nice and soft.
  • You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
  • You actually remember when Halloween was called All Hallows Eve.
  • At every door, you stop and explain that your treats can’t contain aspartame, because it makes you really gassy.

More on Halloween here !

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Fewer kids this Halloween?

It seemed like not as many kids as usual were out trick or treating last night. Mike’s top five reasons why there might have been fewer kids at your door this year.

#5. You inadvertently answered the door while cleaning your chainsaw and your goalie mask.

#4. You were answering the door in your bath robe – holding a smoke in one hand – a tall gin and tonic in the other hand – telling all the kids that you were out of candy but “here’s a handful of Aspirin”.

#3. I guess that rabid snow monkey tied to the post, throwing fecal matter at people in the front yard was more effective than you thought it would be.

#2. The crazy cat lady from the morning show, wouldn’t give you any candy til she correctly guessed your age – – and it takes forrrrrrrevvvvvver!

#1. Ya, I guess shutting off all the lights and hiding in the basement worked again! All the more for me!

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Top five safe yet tricky Halloween “tricks”

It’s almost time for “trick or treating” and if you’re thinking about “tricking” Friday night here are Mike’s top five safe yet tricky Halloween “tricks”.

Trick foods from Foodnetwork.com
Trick foods from Foodnetwork.com

#5. Knock on the door then hide to the side of the door and pretend no one is there.

#4. Hide colorful eggs all over someone’s yard.

#3. Evoke ancient chants and solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.  Wait. Maybe not.

#2. Walk through the Haunted House going “not scary, not scary, not scary…”

#1. Dress as Dumbledore but tell everyone you’re Gandalf.

Check out how to make those chopped-up fingers and other trick foods at Foodnetwork.com

Find other Halloween top five lists here...

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Houses to avoid on Halloween

Mike’s top five houses to avoid on Halloween night.

#5. Any house that you see Lindsay Lohan leaving with her make up all messed up.

#4. Any house that wasn’t there just a second ago.

#3. Any house with balloons tied to it and a Boy Scout on the porch.

#2. Any house with several realistic statues in the front yard of people in “running” positions.

#1. Any house handing out toothbrushes. That’s too scary. They just don’t get it.

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Ways to make Halloween less scary

Every year as Halloween approaches some people start talking about how they feel Halloween is too scary for young kids. So here are Mike’s top five ways to make Halloween less scary.

#5. No Michael Lohan costumes. Don’t let the kids watch Dancing with the Stars if The Hoff is on.

#4. All ghosts have to wear a sign stating whether they are real or pretend ghosts.

#3. ‘Bobbing for apples’ will now be ‘selecting apple slices from a shallow bowl of bottled water’.

#2. All fake blood must be green so it doesn’t look real (unless it’s from an alien creature..).

#1. Remember the true spirit of Halloween is not in scaring children, it’s in being up to your armpits in Reeses’s peanut butter cups!!

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Unpopular Halloween TV specials

The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown is on tonight. Mike’s top five other not so popular Halloween TV specials

#5. CKPG TV’s Mike Benny’s ‘Sweaters I Wore on TV in the 80’s!!’.

#4. Linkin Park’s ‘We Put The Hell In Helloween’.

#3. The Dugger’s 18 kids, 17 costumes, help mommy pick who’s out, Halloween special’.

#2. The Great Kidney Stone Charlie Brown.

#1. Last night’s, Premiere Gordon Campbell’s ‘Scaring the H out of the HST’.

 

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Not so popular Halloween TV specials and Pet Peeves

The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown was on last night. That is the most popular Halloween special on TV! Fox had the Halloween special “Kanye West’s ‘Makin the country folk cry all hallows eve’ musical special” and I thought, oooh, that’s not going to be too popular this year. Mike’s top five other not so popular Halloween TV specials
#5. CKPG TV’s Mike Benny’s “Sweaters I Wore on TV in the 80’s!!” — Now that’s scary!
#4. Balloon boy psycho dad’s ‘Scary ways to get on TV’ 2 hour special.
#3. The Dugger’s 18 kids, 17 costumes, help mommy pick who’s out, Halloween special’.
#2. Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Halloween Hangover’.
#1. CNN’s Nancy Grace Show. – That’s not a Halloween special?! But the mask?!

 

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Cheapo Halloween costumes

People are already talking Halloween costumes (some can be pretty expensive) so here are the top five cheapo costumes this year.
#5. Yellow hard hat – case of stag Chilli – Bob The Flatulant! (a-la Bob the Builder).
#4. Go door to door in a hysterical panic looking for your headphones, demanding someone get you a coffee and a donut right now (go as a radio dj)!
#3. Instead of saying “trick or treat” – act aloof and disinterested and then just before they close the door on you, rub up against the homeowners leg (go as a cat).
#2. Walk around with a few thousand dollars cash on you, but don’t give any to anyone (go as the Sound of Money)
#1. Two months of back hair shavings and a glue stick and “Hey I’m A black Bear! I’m A black Bear!”

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Pumpkin carving

If you’re going to be carving your pumpkin this week, here are the top five tips for a successful pumpkin carving.
#5. Kick the face in before putting it outside, ruining all the fun for the buttheads in the neighborhood
#4. Always draw the face on before cutting or you may find the eyes suddenly become a big nose
#3. Never carve a pumpkin on your beautifully refinished dining room table
#2. Never, never say “hey it looks like Mommy in the morning!”
#1. When gutting the pumpkin start wiggling it, screaming – “Oh my God kids !!! It’s still alive!”

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Too old to trick or treat

Are you too old to go “trick or treating” this Halloween? To help you decide, these are the top five signs maybe you are to old to be trick or treating.
#5. Your one-toothed, crocked-nosed, hideous monster mask isn’t a mask.
#4. You have to get the neighborhood kids to chew your candy for you. At least until it gets nice and soft.
#3. Your Mike Benny costume has you wearing a “550 CKPG – Prince George’s Adult Favorites” golf shirt.
#2. Three houses – bathroom stop, three houses – bathroom stop.
#1. At every door, you stop and explain that your treats can’t contain aspartame, because it makes your stool loose and you get really gassy.

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