Your City property taxes are due Friday. So unless you have that sweet deal were your bank takes out a little every month, right now you’re probably scrounging to come up with a few thousand dollars by the end of the week. Mike’s top five worst ways to make some quick money.
#5a. Quickly find a rich old guy. Doesn’t always work out.
#5. Sell a few of your 80’s sweaters on Craig’s List. Tried it. Didn’t work.
#4. Click one of those ads that promise you can make $1,200 a day just using your home computer for a few hours a day in your spare time. Tried it.
#3. Setup a 1-900 line, so people can pay to hear your Shih Tzu bark their favourite Lady Gaga song. Didn’t work. Next time I’ll try Katy Perry songs.
#2. Try emailing and Facebooking everyone you know and asking them each for just a few bucks. Didn’t work. Even my mom unfriended me!
#1. Hasn’t worked yet, but I’m sure it will.. Buy tons of lottery tickets – increasing my odds dramatically. Really, ’75 in 15 million’ is much better than ‘1 in 15 million’.
All this week on More Money, it’s Free Advice Week. We have tons of Free Financial advice that we are giving away free of charge. But, before we get started here are Mike’s top five signs the advice you’re getting might be bad financial advice.
#5. It involves saving $1.10 a day by getting ‘the combo’.
#4. It involves “clicking here”.
#3. Become a radio DJ to make it big and live the easy life.
#2. It involves getting two mediums instead of one large during Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim campaign.
#1. If it involves you getting financial advice from a top five list on the radio.
Tuesday the Finance Minister announced new rules to make it tougher for first time buyers to get into the housing market (details here). You’ll have to prove you can afford to handle higher interest rates and you’ll need more of a down-payment. Mike’s top five other lesser known changes to rules for home ownership in Canada.
#5. All homeowners must now do a 5k in under 3 minutes.
#4. There is a new complicated procedure for calculating the value of your first born (and your left nut).
#3. You’ll have to line-up at the bank infront of a guy in a soup apron, who will decide if you get a “house for you” or “no house for you” [ala Soup Nazi].
#2. They’re going to be dropping the ‘Push Pull or Drag’ deal of waving your down payment if you push, pull or drag in your old home.
#1. Buyers must agree to being submerged in a maelstrom of insurmountable debt for the rest of their natural lives [dramatic read].
Scotiabank is forecasting a recession in Canada that they say could last deep into 2009. It’s not hard to see the bad side of things when there’s talk of a recession for the next year or so, but there is a positive side of a recession. Mike’s top five good things about a recession in Canada.
#5. You won’t have as much heavy money to carry around.
#4. A renewed hope for “the money tree”, Santa Claus and a Prime Minister who isn’t a nard.
#3. You and your family might get to spend more quality time with gramma and grampa, when you move into their basement. #2. Christmas is way too commercialized anyway..
#1. Not having a job might help take your mind off not having a car.
Scotiabank is forecasting a recession in Canada. Here are some financial tips for getting thru the tough times from a radio DJ.
#5. Try not to elect a nard for Prime Minister.
#4. Always say “yes” to the extra.
#3. Always “super size”; even if you don’t really want to.
#2. On pay day, don’t cash both of your A&W gift certificates at once. Save one for later.
#1. If you see a penny pick it up.. and keep it.
The Loto 6-49 jackpot is at $37 million.. That would change your life. The top five ways $37 million would change your life.
#5. It wouldn’t be AS IMPORTANT to win the Sound of Money Contest next time.
#4. You could afford to keep a steady stream of Sugar Daddy cinnamon buns flowing to a certain radio station, just to keep a certain DJ from constantly whining.
#3. You could run for mayor on the “I’ll build a bridge platform” and do it!
#2. Go to the Pine Centre Sidewalk Sale and demand to pay full price for stuff.
#1. Well, you sure wouldn’t find yourself awake at seven in the morning, listening to some lame top five list on the radio, making lunches, scraping windshields and shivering while running yourself ragged so “the man” could make HIS millions on YOUR back. You’d be sleeping in til at least nine, sipping capos in the lanai while by the pool, Uma … (Oh wait! This is my number one, yours may differ..)