Tag: Mother’s Day

The top five things mom really wants for Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is coming up on Sunday, so here are some things that mom really wants for Mother’s Day. Mike’s top five things mom really wants for Mother’s Day.

#5. To eat an entire meal without the discussion of human bodily functions at the table.

#4. Go shopping at the mall without the “why is this person my mother” look.

#3. At least five minutes in the bathroom without someone knocking on the door because they can’t find something.

#2. Not the entire Die Hard series on Blue Ray, not a kettle, not a good sturdy shovel (unless you want to wear it).

#1. I believe the correct formula is; hours of labour multiplied by years of service, expressed in dollars (rounded up).

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How to tell Mom wasn't too pleased with Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. How can you tell if mom was happy with her day? Top five ways to tell mom wasn’t too happy with Mother’s Day.

#5. This mornings coffee has more than a slight hint of nutmeg.

#4. Usual pressed shirt replaced with a slightly damp sweater that smells like the dog.

#3. Instead of lunches for the kids – brown paper bags full of poop.

#2. Usual quiet ride to school is replaced with hysterical, uber white-knuckle, “Grand theft Auto 4” level-ten, type ride.

#1. Before serving dinner tonight – mom reenacts a scene from the movie 300. Wearing a Spartan warrior costume – she shouts “tonight we dine in *ell”!

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Top five signs you're a mom…

#5. You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you have spilled
your guts to a telemarketer.

#4. Spit is your number one cleaning agent (and hair gel).

#3. You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

#3a.You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

#2. You cling to high moral ground when it comes to your kids threatening each other with toy weapons; however you would be willing to look the other way when it comes to Caillou (that kid is ___ whiner!!!).

#1. You have hidden in the bathroom in your own house.

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Things you would never hear your Mother say

Things Mom Would Never Say

“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”

“Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”

“Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”

“Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week”

“Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”

“Well, if Rahul’s mamma says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”

“The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

“Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve”

“I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”

via Mother’s Day Humor,Mothers Day Jokes,Humorous Quotes on Mothers,Jokes on Mothers Day.

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