Today Doug Jones is celebrating (marking) his 25th anniversary of employment with Radio Station CKPG Limited. Mike’s top five signs you’ve been working at CKPG for 25 years now.
#5. You go to book your holidays and HR seems confused about whether you even still work here.
#4. Your total salary and bonus’s are almost at the four digit mark now.
#3. You still miss the days when there was a liquor store right next-door to the station.
#2. When you look at Dan Rogers, you don’t see the Mayor, you see “the sports guy”.
#2a. Wayne Dobson refers to you as “the new guy”.
#1. Jim Pattison just offered 300,000 dollars for your jersey.
I was reading that Danny Bonaduce is teaching classes in L.A. on how to be a morning radio star! Maybe you thinking about signing up. Maybe you are destined to become a morning radio DJ (maybe not). Mike’s top five signs you are destined to become a morning radio star.
#5. Your default home page is Perez Hilton, TMZ or MSN’s weird News of The Day.
#4. By about 2 in the afternoon you find yourself groggy and in need of a nap.
#3. You’ve seen Howard Stern’s movie Private Parts, so you already know exactly how everything works in radio.
#2. You have a good head for math. “2 double double, 1 single double, 1 double single, 3 toasted everything, 2 with cream cheese, 1 plain with 2 margarine on the side.”
#1. Insatiable appetite for lunch and dinner foods around 7 o’clock in the morning.
Aside from, realizing that a person really can spend too much time on Facebook, you really can send mounted snow tires through the mail and What Would Tyler Durdin Do is much more reliable than Perez Hilton, here are Mike’s top five other things I have learned from Lindsay Rae over the last year.
#5. The difference between pie sweats and poutine sweats.
#4. Frankie can be a girls name.
#3. You don’t have to be a cat hording, recluse to do a morning show with Me.
#2. Never make fun of Brad Paisley unless you’re prepared for a whuppin’.
#1. I guess anyone really CAN play Dodgeball.
CKPG TV’s Quizme starts tonight with College Heights vs. Sacred Heart. These are some very bright grade seven students from all over Prince George and area. If you’ve ever seen the show before, you know these kids are smart! Mike’s top five reasons why they don’t have radio DJs on Quizme.
#5. We’re actually allergic to math.
#4. We’re really good on all the ‘TV Shows from the 70’s’ questions, but not so good when it comes to famous birthdays.
#3. We would spend all night cramming and end up being total basketcases on the morning show.
#2. No one can keep up with filling the snack table.
#1. We can’t seem to be on TV for more than 15 seconds without one of us trying to poke the other in the eye, while the other one blocks with hand between the eyes move and we both end up going ‘nuk, nuk, nuk’.
Clown for Kids for The Child Development Centre is coming up May 15th. To promote the event you can see the whole River crew on our web site wearing red clown noses. Top five other reasons why we might all be wearing red noses.
#5. It helps to stop my glasses from sliding down my nose (I have a really greasy nose, okay.).
#4. It really helps to bring out the auburn highlights in Sandra’s hair.
#3. All the other DJ’s used to laugh and call us names and never let us join in any DJ games.
#2. We’re actually shooting a commercial for Proactiv® Solution.
#1. We all entered a Ralph Kline look-a-like contest (Note: Feel free to replace RK with another infamous provincial leader if you prefer).
Today is Purge Day here at The River. Everyone here is being asked to get rid on any items no longer useful, shred documents no longer needed and basically purge the station of it’s trash. There can be some interesting things in a radio station’s trash. Mike’s top five things you might find in the trash at our radio station.
#5. A few hundred Mike & Jessica bus shelter posters where the words “6 to10am” are replaced with the numbers ‘4/20’ in graffiti marker.
#4. Hundreds of Vidal Sassoon empties (particularly around Allan Bristowe’s desk).
#3. Tons of Hits FM stickers.
#2. 15 copies of Jim Swanson’s resume (No we’re not hiring!!).
#1. Absolutely, not even the smallest crumb of any type of free food item!
#. Giant paper mache bust of Pat Bell.
#. A forklift, stuffed rhino and four tubs of whipped cream (over at the rock station’s morning show).
#. The Madoff Guide to Truth in Advertising (in the creative dept).
#. 100’s of rejected application forms for jobs at Tim Hortons.
Today, Shawna Prince goes back to her regular life and leaves full time early mornings behind. Shawna has been filling the North chair since Jessica Rankin left “years” ago. Shawna will be entering civilian life under an assumed identity in an undisclosed location where they stay out late and drink coffee whenever they want. For a morning show DJ it is not always easy to make the transition to civilian life. So, Shawna, here are the top five changes you’ll need to make BEFORE you can become a civilian..
#5. Stop ordering your Tim Horton’s coffee by the metric ton.
#4. “On the outside” it’s not always acceptable to refer to other people by their butt size.
#3. Stop being so darn perky! In the real world nobody wants to see that.
#2. In the real world when you open the door and holler; “Shawna needs a sandwich; now!” — someone probably wouldn’t run and fetch one for ya — like they do here.
#1. Not everyone will be interested in how “this is just like that episode of 90210, when..”
Breakfast Idol starts next week – as ten contestants vi for the co-host spot on the morning show. The judges have selected the top ten contestants. Mike’s top five reasons why you are not going to be a contestant on Breakfast Idol.
#5. Last time you were on the morning show – you just got up and left after two years.
#4. You’re not really a morning person.
#3. You’re already making over $8.50/hour.
#2. You already have Mike Benny’s autograph.
#1. It’s always been a dream of yours to be on a high quality, topical, always entertaining morning show.
Breakfast Idol starts next week – as ten contestants vi for prizes and free breakfast on the morning show. For the contestants, here are the top five ways to prepare for Breakfast Idol.
#5. You must be in peak physical condition!
#4. You must be mentally sharp and totally prepared.
#3. It’s a good idea to write out a few things – don’t rely on your memory.
#2. Be prepared for a grueling two hours on mind numbing entertainment.
#1. Just do what we do – stumble in two minutes before your shift, down your breakfast burito while you shotgun your double-double and dig out your headphones from your backpack, while ripping some stuff from the paper and trying to remember the name of that Alberta kid from Idol – all before the elevator gets up to the third floor.
With Jessica starting her new job in Ontario this morning, what will we call the morning show on The River? Mike’s top five suggested names for Mike Benny’s morning show.
#5. Mike and Uma in The Morning.
#4. Michael Benny’s Lord of the Shower (ala Lord of the Dance)!
#3. One man, one monkey and a pizza.
#2. Mike’s Krispies.
#1. I’m still here – no prospects.
Jessica Rankin is leaving Prince George! Jessica is set to embark on a new chapter in her life, thus leaving Mike in her wake. If we were to make this about me, the headline might read: Benny loses another co-host! If you think maybe you’re qualified for the job – aside from the usual technical and professional requirements, here are Mike’s top five “other things” we’re looking for in a new co-host.
#5. Preferably someone named Jessica, or someone willing to change their name to Jessica (that way we can keep the Mike & Jessica jingles). Special consideration will also be given to anyone named Uma.
#4. You should be able to shotgun three large french vanillas, with chocolate glazed chasers in under four minutes.
#3. No car; preferably. I really want Jessica’s parking spot!!
#2. Ability to listen closely to advice and direction given by co-host. This is something new we’re going to try.
#1. Somebody who can openly discuss the perfect nose hair trimmer, talk at length about her cats need to lick itself while at the same time tell off color blonde jokes and drop C bombs just to watch Mike squirm – all morning, five days a week!