Tag: school

Why your son or daughter wasn't asked to be valedictorian

Maybe you’re not sure why your son or daughter wasn’t asked to be valedictorian of their grad class this year.

Here are the top five reasons why the grad at your house wasn’t asked to be valedictorian.

#5. He keeps insisting he’s waiting til he’s married “for that”.

#4. Can’t understand it either? Everyone in his “My Manga / Anime girlfriend” chat group thinks he should be…

#3. Would love to be valedictorian, because he really loves animals.

#2. On his college application form, keeps asking how to spell “CNC”.

#1. Keeps insisting he was asked to be valedictorian, but couldn’t, because he had grad that weekend.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5V2bikXnMU?rel=0]

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Back to school jokes

typo-school-roadBack to school next week! You might need these…

Why was the music teacher locked out of her classroom? Because here keys were on the piano.

What flies around the kindergarten room at night? The alpha-BAT. (Played by Ben Affleck?)

It was so hot at the university (how hot was it?). It must have been a million degrees!

What did the math book say to the other book? “Hey, I’ve got problems.”

What did the electrician use to do his math? MultiPLIERS.

More here… (http://www.squiglysplayhouse.com/JokesAndRiddles/school.html)

Why did the cyclops make such a good teacher? Only one pupil.

What do you call the king of school supplies? The ruler.

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says “spit out your gum”, the train says “chew, chew…”

Knock Knock…
Who’s there?
Wendy who?
School starts Wendy bell rings…

More here… (http://boyslife.org/features/32016/back-to-school-jokes/)

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There is way too much paperwork coming home from school!

There is way too much paperwork coming home form school these days. Permission forms, contact forms, hot lunch slips, “Tell us about your child” forms, “Can you be the driver?” forms… etc. Mike’s top five signs there’s too much paperwork for parents.

#5. Your criminal records check got mixed up with your hot lunch request form and a policeman just showed up at your door with a dog, a pop and a bag of chips.

#4. The kids are telling YOU, you can’t watch TV till all your paperwork is done.

#3. You’ve totally memorized everyone’s birth certificate and care card numbers. However you couldn’t remember the phone number to the radio station when you heard that Madonna Mega Weekend song yesterday morning.

#2. On the “tell us about your child” form you put, “2006 Dodge Caravan, capable of taking as many as six children, two boosters”.

#1. You just realized you can’t spell, you can’t make an “S” anymore in hand writing and there is no way you’re ever putting anything on the line for Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.


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It's Teacher Appreciation Week

It’s Teacher Appreciation Week. We should all show appreciation to the teachers that have made us who we are today. Here are the teachers that have made me who I am today.

#5. Mr. Drieger; who taught me there are two principal’s lists, a good one and the other one.

#4. Mr. Engin; who taught me, you CAN fail racquetball.

#3. Mr. Knob; who taught me restraint and not to always use the easy punchlines.

#2. Mr. Kotter; who taught me never to sign notes from home, ‘Mike’s mom’.

#1. Mrs. Dubner; My favorite teacher quote: “Mr. Benny, if you think, when you get out in the real world, you’ll be able to find a job where you just sit around and tell jokes all day, you are sadly mistaken!”

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Top five ways to peacefully end the current labour dispute

It’s been 18 yrs since BC Teachers have had a negotiated contract (under Mike Harcourt). They have only had one negotiated deal in the last 30yrs. Now, it sounds like this round will likely end in back to work legislation. Mike’s top five ways to peacefully end the current labour dispute.

#5. Wait another 18 to 30 years for the next negotiated deal.

#4. Re-elect Harcourt!? I don’t really like this one, but I need five on my list (it’s called Mike’s top five…) I would gladly welcome any other suggestions here. The top five list doesn’t air til tomorrow morning at 7:10am.

#3. How about Bill 23, ordering the government back to work?

#2. Quick end to the dispute: The education minister and the president of the BCTF both get a cell phone and the first one to text Ashley the correct age of anyone from our Famous Birthday list gets to have their way.

#1. It’s weird, crazy and strange, but — good faith bargaining based on mutual respect?

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This daycare sounds like a good one

Uncle Homer’s daycare center – from The Simpsons wiki

A lot of people are talking about daycare lately and it got me thinking about some creative names for daycare centres. I’ve seen…

  • Ankle Bitters Home Daycare
  • Pooh’s Corner
  • Twiddle Bugs Learning Center
  • Uncle Homer’s Daycare (from The Simpsons)
  • Little Stinkers Day Care

Here are some of my ideas. If you’re looking for a creative name for your daycare – Mike’s top five creative daycare names.

#5. The Jolie Pitt’s. Lots of kids around. You could probably even leave them there for a few days and they’d never notice.

#4. Rash, Stash & Dash. You could add Mash for an extra 1.50/day.

#3. Education Minister George Abbott’s house. Granted it’s a long name but I like the acronym EMGAH (eem gaw)!

#2. Mini Me’s House of Wii. You know… little guys all sittin around playing Wii bowling. No? Okay.

#1. School.

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