The Dragons’ Den is holding an open audition in Prince George on March 11th. All inventors and inovators are welcome to show their offerings. When it comes to inventions and inovations; they’re not all good. There have been quite a few failures in the past. So we don’t repeat our mistakes, here are Mike’s top five inventions that have failed in the past.
#5. The 1-D camera.
#4. Preparation G.
#3. Parking meter cozies.
#2. Prorogue-gane (a hair tonic that pauses hair growth).
#1. The precursor to G-Mail; F-Mail!
With the Olympics over, the TV can now be returned to it’s natural state. Mike’s top five signs the TV is back to normal.
#5. Nothing much worthwhile on.
#4. Jay Leno has a new job (his old one).
#3. Your eyes have to adjust back to a regular-def TV picture.
#2. The only talk of gold and silver is now from those “Cash for Gold” commercials (http://www.cashforgoldcanada.com/).
#1. World class elite athletics replaced by a rude British guy in a tight t-shirt, 20 castaways at Tribal Council and Uncle Charlie trying to put Tiger Woods out of business.
Mike’s top five signs maybe you’re watching too much Olympic coverage on TV.
#5. You have injured yourself twice tobogganing down the ice ramp known as your drive way.
#4. To you potholes are moguls.
#3. You’ve started a Brian Williams fan page on Facebook because James Duthie and Jennifer Hedger already have one.
#2. Any time you walk into a meeting, you say “let the games begin”.
#1. You refer to a trip to the bathroom as “qualifying for the medal round”.
Last night the People’s Choice Awards kicked off the award show season. There are a ton of awards shows coming up over the next few weeks. Mike’s top five signs there are too many award shows.
#5. When Borat becomes an acceptable choice as presenter for the Actor of The Decade.
#4. When Ashton Kutcher wins something, anything.
#3. When they’re giving out free pizza to everybody in the back row.
#2. When Award shows start winning awards from Award shows.
#1. When after 35 minutes, you’d rather be watching the Leafs.
Discovery Channel’s hit show Canada’s Worst Handyman is requesting nominations for wannabe Mr. Fix Its from Prince George. The lucky-but-lacking candidates will be renovating a frat house in an Ontario University town. Prince George residents can submit their nominations by email or phone firstname.lastname@example.org or 1.866.598.2591. Mike’s top five signs you may be Canada’s Worst Handyman.
#5. You have at least three left handed hammers but you can never find one when you need one.
#4. You’ve actually built something using more nails than wood.
#3. You are listening to this broadcast on a broken My Little Pony radio that is duct taped to undernieth a cupboard in the kitchen.
#2. While trying to rebuild the bathroom you inadvertently invented the walk-in toilet.
#1. Your idea to rebuild the entire country fell flat after Jack Leighton decided to support Stephen Harper.
Next week PGTV becomes CKPG-TV and leaves the CBC network to become part of the E network. There are a lot of other changes too – Sandra Clermont anchors the news, great shows like E News with Ryan Seacrest, Deal or No Deal and Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. Though when re-tooling the TV station they didn’t take ALL of my suggestions. Mike’s top five not used suggestions for re-tooling PGTV.
#5. Instead of The National, re-run Mike Benny’s old Honeymoon Suite and Glass Tiger interviews from Spruce Capital Rocks.
#4. Instead of This Hours Has 22 Minutes, This Hours has 27 Minutes!?
#3. Replace standard PGTV logo with Red Green’s face with a red line thru it.
#2. Hypnotize Allan Bristowe so that every time he mentions the “Edmonton Oilers” on the news, he drops and does twenty push ups!
#1. Sign on every morning with the Djs from The River singing “The hills are alive..”.