If you’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places, try a few of these powerful love-lines to reach the Jedi level of Romancery.
#5. Yoda one for me.
#5a. I love you with Maul my heart.
#4. I’ve been lookin’ for love in Alderaan places.
#4a. I find your lack of love disturbing.
#3. Our love will never Endor.
#3a. You R2 good for me.
#2. You’re the Obi-Won for me!
#2a. I love you. But you knew that.
#1. I’ve been Solo for too long.
Amazon.com has it’s own list of lousy gift ideas for Valentine’s Day. Here’s the list…
“It’s your prerogative, of course, to ignore all of our Valentine’s Day suggestions and
find a gift on your own. But we’d like to steer you away from certain items, which may be top-quality products but probably aren’t the wisest choices for February 14.”
#5. A roll of Mat Midwest Air Tech 12-1/2 Gauge 2-Point Barbed Wire
#4. The Uncle Milton Giant Ant Farm
#3. Black & Decker Auto-Off Digital Advantage Iron
#3. Tapeworms – A Medical Dictionary, Bibliography, and Annotated Research Guide
#2. Tanita Duo Scale Plus Body Fat Monitor
#1. Praying Mantis Eggs – 400 Babies (link to product)
Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Mike’s top five ways you can tell Valentine’s Day is over.
#5. A dozen roses are twenty cents this morning.
#4. Men are scouring stores looking for Happy Belated Valentine’s Day cards.
#3. That expensive piece of lingerie is now lining the dog’s bed.
#2. Cold stares and no breakfast conversation this morning? Apparently, when she said you didn’t have to get her anything, turns out she didn’t mean it!
#1. The 20th Ave Flower Elvis is off to Jamaica!
If you have been searching for some poetic lines for your sweetheart today, here are some to avoid. Mike’s top five not so great Valentine’s Day lines (aka what not to write in your Valentine’s card).
#5. “Roses are red, I drive a Volvo…” This one can end three different ways and they’re all bad.
#4. Adele’s “She loves me, she loves me not – Oh, excuse me, is that my snot.”
#3. “I would like to hold your hand and whisper some words, as soon as I’m done on this level of Angry Birds.”
#2. “I like your hair, the way it smells like bacon – Is that your perfume or is your kitchen not ventilatin’.”
#1. “Can’t wait to hug and kiss you when you walk in the door – If I miss you, I know I’d be weepy like this here cold sore.”
If you don’t have a lot money to spend on your sweetheart this year, you might be looking for some cheap Valentine’s Day gift ideas — so we asked our Facebook friends for some advice…
Here are five more…
#5. A nicely framed list of all the things your mother said you should look for in a mate.
#4. Spell out her name with Kit Kats and red suckers from last year’s Halloween stash.
#3. Spell out her name in the snow.
#2. Remember, there’s no better way to show respect and admiration for someone than good sturdy handshake (be sure to wash your hands first if you also did number three).
#1. Remember nothin’ says lovin’ like a heart shaped meatloaf in the oven (and that’s not a euphemism for something, I mean an actual meatloaf in the oven)!
Valentine’s day will be just 10 days away. Maybe it’s time to prepare to be “Charlie Brown’d” again this year? Mike’s top five signs maybe you won’t be getting a Valentine this year.
#5. That home-made heart-shaped hagis you made for her last year wasn’t entirely appreciated.
#4. Your sweetheart is still recovering from last year’s romantic ice fishing trip you surprised her with.
#3. Your cat didn’t get you anything for Christmas and totally forgot your birthday too.
#2. Last year you thought it was Pantomime’s Day and walked around all day in some tights and a big hat.
#1. You’re short, bald, wear a yellow shirt with a black stripe and your dog’s name is Snoopy.