Mike’s top five ways to increase voter turn out.
#5. Make them cheaper – 300 million to end up exactly where we were the day before, seems slightly ridiculous. Why not, the next federal election is 25% off!
#4. How about an election mascot? Election Ernie?! He could walk around handing out voters to suckers… I mean promises to suckers.
#3. It would be nice if they let you keep the little pencil after you vote.
#2. Why not jazz up the polling booths a bit? Instead of a card board folding wall, we could have a magical “cone of voting” lowered from the ceiling.
#1. How about everyone gets a cookie and some juice? It works at the blood donor clinic!
#1a. Instead of voting, voters get to wack the giant “Election 2015 Piniata” until a Prime Minister falls out.
Shirley Bond and Pat Bell were both re-elected last night (so was John Rustad in his newly formed riding). Here are the top five things on Shirley Bond and Pat Bell’s to do list today.
#5. Put that morning show idea on hold for now.. ‘Benny & Rae and Bond & Bell in The Morning’.
#4. Take down all your election signs and build a really cool ice fishing shack.
#3. Immediately introduce ‘The DJ Value Bill’, a resolution that removes all provincial taxation and sets a ceiling price of just $2.99 for all Wendy’s Value Combo Meals.
#2. Call John Rustad and remind him how you two are on the front page of the paper and he isn’t.
#1. Spend some quality time in thoughtful consideration of the weight of the onerous mandate given you by the people of this province and the awesome implications of such.. naw; psych! Party on dudes!
Mike’s top five ways to make the next provincial election more exciting.
#5. More talk about SUVs and less talk about STVs.
#4. During candidate debates, “the next thing you say has to start with the first letter of last word the other guy just said”.
#3. All candidates names must rhyme with name of their riding.
#1. Have the all the polling stations manned by crazy morning show people, who don’t care about the issues and just want to hold your Egg McMuffin while you go vote.
It’s voting day today! Here are Mike’s top five No-No’s when voting today.
#5. Saying ‘It’s okay I brought my own ballot.’
#4. Yell from behind the voting screen, ‘I don’t think so!, I don’t think so!, Maybe, I don’t think so!’.
#3. Ask the returning officer if they can hold your gum.
#2. After you get your ballet, say: ‘Wow, another one! Thanks!’
#1. After several hours behind the voting screen, send up a puff of black smoke. (‘I’ve decided!’)